laurs_

i need to learn how to not be so anxious/get on some meds. it’s been absolutely ridiculous recently. i would be such a happier person.

somewhere far
for about a week
with people i love (or anyone who wants to?)
something completely spontaneous is definitely an option

I appreciate artsy photographs and constantly find scenes that i would love to capture, but i don’t always carry my camera around. i’d like to bring it around more and maybe even go around one day just taking pictures. my dad has a nice, legit camera. i should have him teach me how to use it

i love with my head and then my heart. i’m either overly cautious when letting myself fall in love, or it takes me a long time to figure out my feelings. i’ve always thought it was the first explanation, but lately i’m feeling the second. not until a while after i feel that i have “chosen” to be in love do i actually feel in love…like time is the only key to being in love, like i have to know ALL aspects of a person before i can be in love.
love at first sight was never something i believed in nor do i understand how anyone could.

this is directly related to my lack of motivation to do ANYTHING. in high school i did homework all day, but now i do the bare minimum to get by. i need to focus, especially now as finals are approaching.

i have no relationship with my mom. i love my dad and brother, but sometimes i push them away. my step mom and step family are closer to me than either side of my biological families, but i can still have a hard time warming up to them. i truly believe that there is not way of ever having a good relationship with my mom, but i need to keep my dad and brother in my life and stay in constant contact, even if they don’t approve of everything i do.