I'm doing 42 things
This has been a lifelong problem for me, and it’s only been recently that I’ve realized that it ruins the respect people might have for me. When I was younger (I’m 28 now) I used lateness as a way to not have to do things I didn’t want to do (i.e. stand at a busstop next to a major, busy street, see my father twice a week after my parents divorced, go to a babysitter’s house who I didn’t like). I would do other passive aggressive things, too, like pretend to be sick if I didn’t have something finished for school, or accidentally forget my house keys everyday.
My mother had me in therapy for seven years to try and fix the problem, and even that didn’t work.
One day this year I was rushing around to get somewhere, as usual, making sure I looked perfect, anxious about what people would make of me when I got where I was going … the anxiety about going to a new place or going to a job I don’t like really do me in when I’m getting ready, combined with trying to make myself look perfect. Then, I put on these heels that always hurt my feet, but I thought they would make me look better, and on my way down the stairs, I fell.
That job was just a temp job, but once it ended, my foot was in so much pain that I just lay around and got apathetic. I was already living off unemployment from being fired from a very important job earlier that year. Anytime I’ve been fired, it’s been due to lateness. So I just stayed at home a lot for a while and let my broken toe heal. I live in New York, so I couldn’t drive anywhere. It was the summer, so I couldn’t wear any cute sandals. It took a few months for my toe to heal, and it still has not gone back to looking the way it used to.
So now, when I am in the shower getting ready to go somewhere, I look down at that toe and I remember, and I think to myself, “No, never again. Just take it easy and don’t rush around.” It forces me to plan my mundane activities more, which I think is one of the major issues (besides the passive agression). It sucks to have to plan out boring stuff, but it’s much better than rushing so much that you hurt yourself.
