ldm268

Okay, so I’m the only one in here. Great.
I have been putting off dealing with my anxiety for far too long. Not being able to do the things I need to do because I’m scared of the “what if’s” is getting SO old. I think quitting pot will help a LOT with this…

Okay so… I’m a young mom. A few of my friends have kids but none of my “good” ones- all my best friends are still out having fun, going to bars, and yes- smoking pot. I HATE this life. I’ve been smoking for I’d say 7ish years, however I was raised in a very “hippie” household, so to speak… lol. Pot wasn’t IN MY FACE but deffffinitely in the house, and so the smell, the lifestyle, the attitude- it’s all home for me, ya know? I try to explain it to my fiancee like this- it’s the one daily constant in my life. There isn’t ONE THING in my life like it, that has ALWAYS suceeded in calming me down when I’m upset. How scary is it to just drop that?
I came on here after seeing an old friend last night. He and I used to smoke ALLL the time together- it’s really what our friendship was built on. He said he still smoked so of course I get some all ready for our long-anticipated visit, thinking he’d be as excited to be smoking like we used to back in the day. Afterwards he was (ha) but before we smoked we were talking about usage. I lied (because I’m ashamed) and told him it’s totally under control now (f*#@ing addiction!) and he goes “yeah, I haven’t smoked in a few days, I just really didn’t like being at a point where I felt like I needed to buy some every week.” GAAAH. Hearing HIM (of all people!) say that made me feel like such a crappy person for being so “weak” and not being able to stand up to this drug. It really inspired me to stop. I’ve got some more here but I don’t think I’m going to use it. I’d feel too guilty at this point, I think it’d make me feel a LOT better to take my girls to the park for a walk!
Pot can seriously screw stuff up in your head… My memory is shot, I lose EVERYTHING… I’m depressed, and I developed obessive compulsive disorder and a social anxiety disorder from it. I’m SO paranoid in public about everything, and I would feel like SUCH a better parent if I could be clean and totally dedicated to my family and my OWN self!
I could REALLY use some support here, if anyone is in a similar situation or maybe even wants to email back and forth and be a “quitting buddy” then let me know :)