leetahlee

Someone recently suggested to me that drama serves different purposes in our lives. It can make us feel alive when we feel dead inside. It can give us something interesting to think/talk about when there doesn’t seem to be much going on in our lives that’s interesting. If we know we need to make changes, sometimes we use drama as a “springboard” to make them, rather than a slower, more daily/disciplined process.

Knowing those purposes can help us choose something other than drama to do the same things: we can pursue a dream that fills us with life and passion. We can take time, effort, and gentle self-evaluation to make the changes we need to in our lives. Brina said, “The problem normally lies in the people you hang around.” I think that’s the mechanism that keeps drama going. We tend to attract one another with our own drama, and each person’s drama bolsters that others’.

I can’t control other people and their drama-nor do I want to! That would be more drama, wouldn’t it? But I can choose to take a few more moments here and there and breathe, so I can get a different perspective. And then I can choose the people I am with most often differently, and what conversations to be a part of. That’s my goal.

Since the last time I posted, some good things have happened.
I’ve started getting closer to people in my church (some of whom I also work with: it’s a small town). I’m feeling for the first time in decades (literally) that the majority of people I hang out with truly care about me, and that’s a really good feeling.

On the down side, I dated someone who treated me badly-but there’s a good side to that, too. It only lasted 3 weeks-the length of time it took me to realize what he was doing. And I moved on, which is my goal. Since that situation, I’ve been standing up for myself more consistently when something isn’t right. That has felt really good.

Deciding to do this for myself, to treat myself with greater respect and dignity is all part of a larger vision I have for my life: one that holds up the dignity of and includes people, is centered on God, and shares love, health, and joy.

Since I’ve started and continued this process-mostly offline, I admit-I’ve been sometimes surprised at the shift in my thinking, and the way I treat myself with more respect. I’m starting to see changes in me that some other people are noticing and have commented on. I’m really encouraged by that.

I learned something since I first wrote about this. I have worked hard these past 4 months trying to see from others’ points of view, and be considerate of others. I think it’s been good for me to do that, and I’ve noticed that listening and being aware is helping me to understand other people’s needs better.

I learned something that I didn’t expect during these months, too: that I was not being treated the way I was trying to treat others. I suddenly realized that two girls who I thought were my friends hadn’t invited me to any of their outings, or even just casual get-togethers at our house (it’s like a large dorm but in a house setting), even after I had invited them both to several social outings and dinners.

One of them in particular, however, was quick to be offended when I failed to invite her properly (I think she expected a formal invitation rather than the casual one I had extended) one time. And she held onto every offense I committed, small and large (there was one in the large category, I admit), and never gave me the benefit of the doubt, even when I apologized and tried to make up for it.

About 2 weeks ago, when that same one blew up at me publicly, something inside me finally told me that I didn’t need or want those kind of friends. I’m worth better than being treated like that.

So when they left for home, I treated them to ice cream, gave them both cards, and saw them off…knowing that I will not stay in touch with them, and will probably never see either of them again. And the best part is, I’m okay with that for the first time in my life.

I’m ready to treat myself better, and expect better treatment from people. I can’t wait to start making friends with people who will care about me enough to reach into my life, too.

Maybe by being a better friend to myself, I can start not only improving how I deal with others, but maybe also drawing people to me that will be good friends too.