lessthanthree13

I need to start making people earn my trust instead of just opening up too early. I’ve been screwed over and stabbed in the back too many times and never learned my lesson but it stops now.

This weekend we went to see his old band play. I actually teared up in front of my boyfriend during “our song.” It was the first time I’d stayed in the room while they played it in the past 3 years. It hit me all of a sudden that the memories were there, but I had something way better than I ever had with AD sitting right next to me, holding my hand and understanding without jealousy why I got choked up. I realized that by facing the memories and staring them down, when I turned around to walk away, they didn’t follow me.
I saw his picture the next day and there was nothing there. Not sadness, not anger, not hurt, nothing. It’s like I don’t even know him, or want to. He just doesn’t exist in my life anymore, and I’m happier for it.

I’m starting this goal at 185. My long term goal is 50, although I think I’d like to be at about 120, in all honesty. I guess we’ll see how it goes and decide when I get to 135.

Thank god for fitday.com because seeing exactly what I’m eating and watching that little orange section jump up at fat is REALLY making me accountable for my food decisions.

So I didn’t find anything about milk poisoning (although I’m still certain that if you can get water poisoning, you can get milk poisoining) but I did end up finding out a lot about milk I didn’t want to know. I might stop drinking it!

My best friend and I made up this job a long time ago, and a few years ago, I actually made it come true. I worked in a department of a lab that kind of studied the people drawing the blood. Realizing a dream, even if it was a silly, made up one, actually made me feel good about myself!