letterstoalostsoul

sure that a new job is what will make me happy. I dont think it will matter what it is I am doing i wont be happy. Fuck sake.

way to much time to sit and think lately… My chronic fatigue is back in its full rage of fury and I feel so empty and drained.
I’m so tired of lieing and telling people ‘oh I’m good’ ‘works great, i love it’ ‘oh no nothing is wrong at all i’m a little tired had a late night’.

I’m not ok. I hate work and will be in so much trouble when I got back on Monday and I know chances are that Ill end up crying in my bosses office and spilling my guts to her and I don’t like doing that. But the reality is my boss needs to know why i’m sick all the time and seem slightly vacant. There is a lot wrong, and the truth is I don’t have late nights I’m in bed by 9.30 most nights.

I’m not sure how much longer I can handle this for. I keep pushing and pushing and I’m at the point where if I just stop every thing will come crashing down on me, i don’t think I can handle any of that. But i don’t think i can keep going.

If only I could disappear for a while… just a little while~

If you don’t stop nothing can touch you. if you don’t stop no one will ever think something is wrong. No one will ever know my dirty little secret.

just keep going and going.

but what happens when I fall down and collapse, when I can no longer drag myself out of bed each day and when zombie me can no longer even function on auto pilot.

what then.

tell me.

because i don’t know.

Ive got nothing left to give.

I randomly went and got my lip pierced again the other day now i have snake bites and i love them! But im really thinking about getting my septum done. One issues is that I am a receptionist so I still have to look approachable oh how i wish i worked some where that i could be as heavily tattooed and pierced as i wanted~