lissad61

lately i’ve been feeling pretty numb to most things. going through the motions, if you will. at the end of the day, the only emotion i usually have is sadness. perhaps i’m sad because i feel empty or just a combination of everything.

i’ve never really struggled to have more confidence. it’s always been something that i didn’t really have a lot of but it didn’t affect my everyday life. recently i started a new job. it’s something that i’ve been wanting to do for such a long time. only problem is i’m finding that i’m doubting my abilities. i constantly feel like everyone is smarter than me, is more qualified, and that i don’t deserve to be there. i was at my last job for 7 years and was pretty much “top dog” so going to the bottom of the totem pole is hard to deal with. i’m hoping that with time, i will gain the confidence i once had at my last job.

3 days in and i’m still drinking water. i’m almost at 43 oz so far today. i’m sure i’ll definetly drink 64 oz. and i noticed it hasn’t been hard to do so. the problem is not drinking diet pepsi. i only drank 2 cans yesterday. i did pretty well…better than the last time when i tried to do it cold turkey. i noticed that the headaches usually come around 11 a.m. (ummm…now) so that’s when i would drink a can. i know that the first two weeks will be the hardest. i’m just hoping i can eliminate the old habit and replace it with a much healthier one.