lissydoodles

Random thought, but it’d be kinda cool. Okay, not so random. Can get it done in two years when I’m 18. Fun fun. I’ve been wanting one for a year or so. Want to get my clitoral hood pierced (totally professionally), and my inner labia peirced. It’d be pretty sweet. Boyfriend said it would look hot when I asked him what he’d think of it. He’s really into it. Of course he’d be into it. I haven’t told my mother about this. She’ll like…have a baby, lol. Just be a little something between me and him and whom ever he wants to tell (as long as it’s never heard by mother dear—eck!). Can’t wait, and I’ll keep you posted!!

Even if it’s just a quick kiss (long ones are preferred), it’s so sexy and fun and just amazing. Definately worth doing. So hot on a muggy, hot, rainy day. :)

I was anorexic and bulimic about 3/4 of my freshmen year because I was really insecure about my social status and thought I would look better. I was also insecure about not being the smallest. My ultimate goal was to wight 80 pounds at 5’3. I got down to a little over 102, and I blacked out a few times, had conversations with my PARENTS that I don’t remember. My skin went crazy and it still is; I have acne that was caused by not taking care of myself. My schoolwork went shit, my stress levels skyrocketed, and my jeans were falling off of me half the time…My breasts looked odd, my fingernails looked gross, and I fell asleep in class all the time. After I got my still-together-right-now boyfriend, I eased off Ana slowly and went up to 107, but I was pretty okay with it. When we went on a little ‘break’ that I requested because I felt insecure about giving myself away like I have now to someone, I slipped into Mia, and I went without eating all day, only to come home and binge like CRAZY (we’re talking 3000 calories) and purge it all away, and just skip dinner. I broke down at school very quietly into his arms and he asked me what was wrong and I said that I threw up yesterday and he said ‘that’s okay, you aren’t sick now.’ And I explained, ‘No, I meant the day before that, and the day before that, and so on. I don’t eat.’ And he just stared at me. He was scared. His sister was bulimic before she got famous. She was bulimic to the point she almost died, and she had done drugs, and he was so scared that he almost cried because he didn’t want me to get hurt like she did, or for me to die. After a huge, long conversation about my body, me, and him, he told me that if we were going to be together, I had to eat.

I purged two more times after that, and that was it. And I told him about it. And that was that.

I gave up my disorder for the man I love, and I feel good about it. I’m 115lbs, I’m still thin, and I eat all the food I love, and feel full afterwards. My teeth are awesome and white, I don’t pull out my hair (literally) from stress anymore, my skin is clearing up dramatically, and I get told I’m beautiful now…Not a crack whore (my TEACHER even called me that! Bastard…).

I now think that the human body is a masterpiece, not something that needs sculpting. Instead of counting calories and changing my underwear 6 or so times a day, I’m hanging out with my boyfriend and having SO much fun cooking and goofing off with my friends. Totally worth it.

It’s easy to beat if you can grab the horns before you get them and push the bull away for good. You need INspiration, not THINspiration to be perfect. You need life. Not a slow suicide. Even if you don’t mean it that way, it’s a deadly disease, but you don’t need medicine. You just need to forget about that voice in the back of your head and let loose with friends.