littlesteps

well saving this month isn’t going to happen despite me still being (roughly) on target for saving £5000 by the end of this year (half way, WOO HOO!!).

why? cos i spent some money on my interest free overdraft thinking i had another year on the ‘interest free’ part, it was a student account that gave you 3yrs post-graduation interest free but they’ve just changed their mind (prob due to the credit crunch!) and now its 2yrs!! thus, i have to put £600 into it NOW to clear it or i get 16% (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) interest a month….starting next month! the reason am pissed about this – when were they gonna tell me? i must be pyschic or something cos i was in the bank today and just flippantly asked when exactly it ends and wasn’t expecting the bank teller to say ‘next month’. s**t.

anyhoo, i decided that rather than dip into my above named emergency fund then i’d just not put £300 into this month and put it into the overdraft. i also keep a little fund for gifts for people and i reckon there’s enough to cover the rest…........oh well, at least i won’t have to pay the 16% interest. will just have to be disciplined and put back to the ‘gift fund’ what i took out – preferably before christmas!

bloody banks, they so wouldn’t have told me! huh…

I thought I’d have reached my target of £2000 by the new tax year. I’m about £300 shy of that. Mainly because after christmas I racked up £400 on my free overdraft for a new tv and then put some money aside for my holiday next week. So I’ve been drip feeding that debt and the hol is now paid for. I guess the outlook is still good – at least the overdraft is free, but only for another 6mths. My main target is the end of the year – £5000, guess I’ll just have to be ultra good for the rest of the year as I need an emergency fund given the current financial climate.

....say something so I don’t do anything silly. I just feel really sad right now, heavy in the chest kinda sad. What makes it worse is that I have one of my best friends staying with me right now, someone I don’t see very often as she lives abroad now. And still, he’s on my mind, not lovely thoughts of being with my friend, him.

I mentioned that I saw him a couple of weeks ago (after not speaking for 3mths) and gave him his stuff back. The conversations of that evening keep running through my mind. Talk of him leaving for the US in the spring, knowing that he has little to bring him back to this city, especially since his best mate/house mate is now going to be moving away permanently in a few months too. I hate that I’m struggling mentally/emotionally right now on this. I feel like I must do something, anything! But what use would that do?? He doesn’t want to be with me, even if he did, he’s moving away and I couldn’t go with him anyways. Why do I love him? Why can’t I just forget and move on?

Urgh. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to put this down to a bad day, try not to dwell on it but realise that there are likely to be more bad days, especially during the christmas season. If I had any energy right now, I swear I’d be putting my pants on my head running around the office with frustration/emotions! LOL.

I do love him, he’s done nothing wrong. I miss him, but I won’t miss him forever. I guess I have to ride it out and just vent when I need to, but at friends, not him.