living2die

Noone understands why I do it and I try explaining that since I quit drugs thats just my way of releasing the pain. All it is is a Bloody Release!

for as long as i can remember me and my mom have always watched animal planet. Anyways my fav. show on there has always been the one where they rescue animals from the wild that would other wise have no chance of survival. Like a baby bear who’s mom died and they’re to young to fend for themselves…. anyways i’ve always wanted to own a lot of property up north somewhere to rescue animals…

how many times must i try befor it works? What pils have i not tried? was it just 1 pill to little to work? am i already in hell and theres just no where else to go? my mom had a head ache and saw the empty bottles that werfull a couple days ago but did she ask? no of course not she’s just happy im still here.
Now the roles are differant im married now but he doesn’t know what to do to help me. I was perfectly fine when we met and i stayed that way till a couple of weeks ago. They change my meds and tell me ill have to get used to the side effects. I wanna scream the side effects are what smaking me wanna swollow 20 asprin with some cheap vodka… or maybe some high dollar stuff just to go out in style.
I keep wondering if im sick or just plain insane from all the drugs i self medicated myself with and all the drugs the dr.s medicate me with. or maybe its genetics. mt dad killed himself by hanging himself in prison and my great aunt is on like 10 diff. pills to stablize her moods because she tried overdosing 1 tomany times and it almost worked. thank god it didn’t i love her to death, and she’s the only one i can relate to in my family. but she’s to far away now and temptaions knocking on my door. which method should i try this time. maybe ill have the guts to try one that works. I wonder who will find my body. I can’t say i feel sorry for whoever does they kn ew i needed help and they didn’t try. but i love them just the same if only that were enough.