I hate financial issues…
I hate that I did not have a stabile background.
I fell to deep depression after failing an exam and had to repeat a year.
Now. I aborted my studies… :(
It was the most painful decision I think in my life…
Yes. For me it really was painful.
But to tell you the truth I should have done it before.
Actually I wanted a deferred entry. I felt exhausted after my high school graduation and also my plans were that I would go working abroad for a year and come home with a nice savings for my studies and plenty of life experience…
I even thought about making my semester passive when we had to “check in” for the semester online… but I did not do it.
My mom said it is not a good idea… ok it is stupid to blame her all. I should not think about what others think, I should have done what I felt I have to do.
Now I live in London. Yes. And I am working in London. Few years later – and after a deep depressic period – I am about to continue MY plan. Not others, not my mother’s, MINE!
Also it was a shocking thing for others when I announced my decision that I do not go back to uni. And some of them were really rude towards me… saying that I gave it up, that I am just seeking for money, that my values are not right and shit like these…
Well, no! I WILL be a doctor!
But they also know that I do NOT have the background. Not the financial, neither the emotional.
I need to start my life. Because my plan that my parents would pay me everything during my tuition and serve me all the stuffs on a silver plate badly failed.
Well actually I should have been aware of it as my daddy told me “medicine is expensive” by this he meant that I should go some other uni. He wanted my to do some kind of finance stuff, but I am not interested in that… He even came up with this issue at a Christmas dinner with family, he made me so upset, especially being in the middle of exam period being stressed and he says I should give it up. How rude you are sometimes, Dad!
And my mom could not afford paying everything alone as well… mortgage and stuff…
It has been a crazy 2 years, But I am sure I can do it by myself.
Whatever I say I really relied on my parents, even when I had money from my job beside school I thought they will help me and I can take that money for harder days, or for books or other valuable extra things but no. Because it was always wasted for season ticket, food, clothes… but nothing like I wanted badly an own microscope… because as I had money they just did not give me any.
It was hard when I realized I can not rely on them anymore. My mom can not afford it. And my dad has his new family…
But it was also gorgeous when I realized that hell, I do not have to be depended on them. I am 21. Maybe I will be a doctor few years later. But I have to stop. I could not do job and school at the same time. So now I am saving and then I continue my studies either in 2013 or 2014 on a fast track.
Meanwhile I would like to work in a London hospital. My CV is in preparation. And later on I will finish an RN course back in my country – thank goodness I can do the exams immediatly I just need some more hours in practise, but they will count my previous jobs so odds are good.
And I also got know a man who has a laboratory and they did neurological researches too. So maybe if I am at home I will ask him about a tour at his lab :)
I am interested in neuroscience and the borderline of genetics – the neurogenesis in the hippacampus and the olfactory bulb. But brainsurgery is also interesting. I am going crazy about the human brain. That is so interesting, so many structures, so many tracks, and it controls an entire body. Amazing!
Researches according to dysgraphia would be interesting too. I have some interesting observations to research to either confirm or decline.