lorxlor

I feel so dumb. I can’t believe I made myself think he loved me. I thought he did. EVERYONE thought he did. But he just made everyone, including myself, think he loved me. Everyone thought we were perfect together and could make a long distance relationship work. Everyone thought we would be together forever. But he hid his feelings from me. He had been feeling distant and different about me even before he left for college. We’ve liked each other for three years and only this past december did we do anything about it. And now he’s changed his mind and I’m still stuck liking him. Three years of my life waiting for him…then I had him…and he took it all away in one night…

My mom recently quit smoking. She has been smoking for 20+ years and she just quit a week and five days ago. She is so strong and I am so proud of her. She makes me so proud I just can’t help but cry when I think about how she’s given up smoking. It’s the most amazing thing and she is the most amazing person and mother.

If you’re a parent and your children don’t mention how much they hate how you smoke, don’t think for a SECOND that they don’t like it. I’ve hated how my mother smoked for years. I’ve hated having people come over and the house smell like smoke. I’ve hated going to school smelling like smoke. I HATED IT. So if anything quit for your children. They don’t like to think about you smoking and the effects it has on your body such as lung cancer. Children don’t want to think about their parents dying, so please, quit for your children.

Quitting smoking is one of the HARDEST habits to kick, I know because I’ve watched my mom struggle for years, but it is possible. You just need a strong mind and will power. Everyone can quit smoking if they just set out a goal to do it.

I am still no where near my goal! I talked to my boyfriend today and I told him I bought a new fish. The story is, he bought me a fish a year ago and it died, naturally. There was nothing I did or didn’t do that made it die! But I can’t tell if he’s joking or whatever…but he told me things like ‘Why’d you buy another fish? You’re just going to kill this fish too!’ We argued over that for about 10 minutes then I was like,

‘FINE I am a huge big fat failure and I shouldn’t even own another fish, EVER. Actually I shouldn’t even own another animal. I shouldn’t even live anymore. I should just name it dead. Or my owner sucks. Or help me.’

He laughs it off and says ‘Dead is kind of catchy. So is Loren’ which is his dumb way to spell my name (my name is spelt Lauren) which pisses me off. I said ‘Well if we’re going to name if after me, why don’t we name it dumb whore or retard’ He laughs it off again and says ‘Fish are dumb’ I go ‘Perfect animal for me’ He asks why and I say ‘Dumb owner…dumb animal.’

He tells me my self confidence is astounding. Then he said he was going to find a frisbee game around campus and I told him to call me later, end of arguement. I think I pissed him off. More reason to hate myself!!!