Colin in the hardtimes you're on our own

Ground floor opportunity
Lousy job with a company that will file bankruptcy within a year
Progressive company
Employees get to wear jeans every other Friday
Team player
Must deal with dangerously territorial coworkers with rabid
personalities.
Upbeat personalities
Must neither threaten us with any kind of lawsuit nor use the drug
alcohol rehab benefit within the first year
Word processing skills essential
There is a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your future
Public Relations Receptionist, Professional appearance important
$20 K a year job that requires a $100K year wardrobe
Salary range $24K to $32K
The salary is $24K
Will train
Prior conviction of a felony or two, no problem
BA required, MA preferred
Must be a MA willing to work for a BA salary
Civil service
This job was filled from the inside six months ago
Outstanding benefits package
Health insurance
Tons of variety
We took all of the heinous tasks no one else would do and rolled them
into one job
Top notch communication skills
Telemarketing
Beautiful offices in attractive locale
Brand new tacky windowless office where picture frames match the
carpet
Secretary
Woman only job with the responsibilities of management and the wages
of a migrant worker
Executive secretary
The most powerful position in any company
Dedicated
You’re looking at a minimum of 80 hours a week until we force you
into early retirement
Salary commensurate
We’ll pay you whatever the we feel like
Salary negotiable
We’ll take the lowest bidder
Competitive salary
we’ll pay you up to 10 percent more than your last job!
Competitive starting salary
Ten cents above minimum wage
Pleasant atmosphere
A staff of pod people
Professional atmosphere
Zombie pod people with no sense of humor.
Self-starter
Open to very broad interpretation, since no one really knows what
this means

Signs You’re “All Grown-Up Now”
won’t turn down the stereo.
You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
Dinner and a movie is the whole date, instead of the beginning of
one.
A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff.”
You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
You read this entire list, looking desperately for one sign that
doesn’t apply to you, but, can’t find one to save your life.

You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
You watch the Weather Channel.
Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up." 
You're the one calling the police because those x%x@# kids next door

I’ve been getting every one to grow potatoes from the seed ones I have. Last year after I’d harvested my mine I gave a few away here and there. Food prices are so high and most people have enough ground round their house to at least grow a few. I’m hoping if I can get them growing potatoes now while food is so expensive it will inspire people to grow other stuff round their houses. Most of us rent and don’t give a shit about gardens so it’s good to get my mates out working and giving a shit for a change.