lostlo




I'm doing 43 things
 

lostlo's Life List

  1. 1. gain weight..Yes gain weight
    5 people
  2. 2. Be More Laid Back
    106 people
  3. 3. not take things so personally
    184 people
  4. 4. stop overreacting
    52 people
  5. 5. be less emotional
    91 people
  6. 6. stretch every day
    575 people
  7. 7. live in LA without a car
    1 person
  8. 8. figure out what i want to do with my life
    2 cheers
    3,904 people
  9. 9. see the northern lights
    18,962 people
  10. 10. live by the ocean
    1 cheer
    665 people
  11. 11. Learn to surf
    8,068 people
  12. 12. Learn to tango
    1,172 people
  13. 13. help my dad with his business
    3 people
  14. 14. sleep under the stars
    4,221 people
  15. 15. Take a roadtrip around the country
    3 people
  16. 16. Overcome OCPD
    1 entry
    8 people
  17. 17. get the love of my life back
    1 entry
    47 people
  18. 18. Save $10,000
    403 people
  19. 19. Floss Every Day
    1,264 people
  20. 20. Participate in a war protest full of dirty hippies
    1 cheer
    3 people
  21. 21. get organized
    6,494 people
  22. 22. stop drinking soda
    1,552 people
  23. 23. choose a career
    101 people
  24. 24. Eat more fruits and vegetables
    1,139 people
  25. 25. work because I like to, not because I have to
    3,518 people
  26. 26. Become Financially Independent
    6,301 people
  27. 27. reduce my material possessions
    2 cheers
    5 people
  28. 28. work for oxfam
    2 people
  29. 29. live in Hawaii
    321 people
  30. 30. move back to LA
    13 people
  31. 31. knit che guevara
    1 cheer
    1 person
  32. 32. finish college
    3,513 people
  33. 33. build a sustainable house
    73 people
  34. 34. write a book
    30,182 people
  35. 35. Go to the World Cup
    314 people
  36. 36. start a pirate cruise line
    1 person
  37. 37. Skydive
    11,414 people
  38. 38. exercise regularly
    10,997 people
  39. 39. get an arabic tattoo
    2 people
  40. 40. learn to SCUBA dive
    2,718 people
  41. 41. drive through south america
    3 people
  42. 42. visit every continent
    1 cheer
    1,892 people
  43. 43. go to africa
    1 cheer
    1,733 people

How I did it
How to see a space shuttle launch in person
It took me
26 years
It made me
Ecstatic


Recent entries
Overcome OCPD
Long & Winding Road

I’ve seen a virtual army of therapists/counselors/psychologists/psychiatrists since I was a child. I’ve known for a long time that something was “wrong” with me, but no one ever managed to really help me, or even figure out what was wrong beyond superficial crap. Frustration with the situation led to a drinking problem at the age of 21 that nearly killed me. Since I quit drinking on my 23rd birthday, I’ve been desperately trying to work things out, but was blind to the real problem.

I was finally diagnosed with OCPD about a month ago, and it’s been such a relief to finally be able to see the problem and do something about it. I worked with Dr. Phillipson of the excellent ocdonline.com site. Surprisingly, it turns out that I have made a lot of progress already, but it was much harder not knowing what specific tendencies (rule-based thinking) to avoid, and how to handle the bouts of intense anger and anxiety.

I know that thinking I will “beat” this or “fix” myself is just a manifestation of the problem (lol!), but I am looking forward to learning to live with it, to being more in control of my own decisions, and not letting “my rules” (which are really rules that came from other people in my life in most cases!) dictate everything I do and how I live.

Honestly, I feel hopeful about the future for the first time in a long time, maybe in my entire life. It’s great!



get the love of my life back
An unexpected goal

Right before I left college, 8 years ago, I dated a guy for a short time who completely rocked my world to the foundations. Before I started spending a lot of time with him, I had planned to kill myself, but he distracted me from that. I probably owe him my life. It was his first relationship, and I had a huge drinking problem & was dropping out of school, so of course it didn’t work out.

After I got sober I really looked forward to apologizing, but never thought I’d get another chance with him. I didn’t dare to hope. It turned out I couldn’t even make amends, as he refused to speak to me at all.

For a long time my goal was “forget about the one who got away,” not win him back. I tried very hard to do that for over seven solid years. It took about five years to stop thinking of him every day, but finally I did and thought “I’m over him.”

Last fall he friended me on Facebook out of the blue. I was so overwhelmed, I realized that I wasn’t over him at all. My long-term relationship with my best friend was already shaky, and once I realized how much I still loved this guy, I finally left my relationship.

Now we’ve been talking, and I’m trying to take things very, very slowly. But I’m so excited, and for the first time in a long time, I feel hopeful about the future. I will wait for him, or stay single, which is also a first for me. I couldn’t be happier.



Run a mile without stopping
Easier than I thought!

I was already in pretty good shape, I guess, but thought it would be really hard. I decided to do Couch-to-5k (highly recommended). About three weeks in I found a running partner (also highly recommended!), and he just made me run a mile. I said “but it’s not on the plan,” but was amazed when I did it! I run very slowly, but after several weeks I can run five miles. Right now I try to do an hour and add a minute every day.

I moved away from my run buddy, which set me back. Taking breaks definitely slows progress, if I don’t run for a week I get cut back to about 45-50 minutes. Trying to find new running partners now :)



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