losyarreit

Well, I did enroll in evening classes and am enjoying every second of it. I was a bit intimidated by my first assignment which is a draft of the final paper/presentation for this class, but I did very well in it. I cried and feared a horrible grade, but in the midst of all my emotional/psychological turmoil I pulled an A. This really helped me, as I realized that I am on the right track. I am doing something I love, and am moving a bit closer to my ultimate dream.

The class will be over in a few weeks, and then it will be time to enroll in a more classes. I am moving closer to my ultimate goal of attending graduate school

(I am all smiles at the moment)

We as human beings have great potential in the various aspects that compose us as individuals.

Our environment taps into these aspects. If we decide to stay in similar environments forever, you may never cultivate the entirety of your existence as a human being.

I have been bit more brave as time has passed. I have decided to never forget what my attributes are, and that I am not perfect. This has allowed me to be brave enough to move on when necessary. To draw a limit on how much involvement I will have in a situation. I trust myself and what I know I have within, rather than allowing my environment take over and possibly running me down.

Accepting one does not always need to be in control, and easing out this need, has helped me out. I am slowly allowing myself the time and space I need to make the decisions, and to not feel beaten when I cannot control an outcome.

I have embraced my imperfections, and in this embrace I am slowly letting go of the strange need to be strong and smart when it is really not necessary. This has led me to feel more confident in the fact that things will always have a way of solving themselves at their pace, I do not need to rush with a solution.

The solutions may be resting within me and slowing down, while accepting myself and my possible vulnerabilities, only bring out my confidence allowing me to be brave.

Well, I have decided to gain more awareness of my patterns. For example, I realized that I was dwelling tons on the past and my idealized view of the relationship.

Dwelling on my perception of the past was not going to get me anywhere. Instead I am learning to tell myself that it is okay that I loved him, and may still love him. I am learning to also tell myself that I love myself and I need to take good care of me. I have taken myself out dancing (extremely healing). I have decided to go out and distract my self from the dwelling, to keep myself in the present and not in the past.

I do not want to hate him and I do not want to shred into pieces all memories. I can love and I was fearless about it, this is something to be proud of and not something to regret or feel ashamed of.

If he was not ready for a relationship with me and was not able to explain why, then so be it. My thoughts on this would only be thoughts, and I cannot let my speculations lead me into uncomfortable feelings.

Patience, heart…patience and lost of love.