lovely_lizzy

I met a nice guy at a party:). I managed to flirt with him and the night ended with me lying around with him on a bed (people around,it was a private party…) and talking. nice :)
However, since I really liked him and I didn’t want all the people around who had an eye on us to witness too much (deep inside I am a nice classy girl), we didn’t kiss or anything….and we didn’t exchange numbers or anything…
so, then two days after the party, he sent me a perfect massege over the internet. no pressure and still very casual but very nice. I answered very casual and thought this would lead to some form of better contact. but no, he didn’t write back :(...then I was confused, but yesterday I decided to write him again, because at the party I had the feeling that he did find me more interesting than a “usual party flirt”. so, I give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he thinks I wasn’t serious at all, which is very likely because I can play that part very well ( I am very shy, but I act like I am arrogant, a stupid defence mechanism, but my friends tell me people buy it)
I wrote him that “just for the record: I really like to see you again”....this way I have at least tried it and I can’t tell myself that I was a coward. This is a lot for me!
Wish me luck!

Some weeks ago I ended my friendship with him on Facebook. We have stayed in loose contact over the passed year, but since he doesn’t know English too well, our writing didn’t lead to anything. and he lives in another country far, far away. so, I guess that is just it.

I think that our strange chemistry solely depends on us being close to each other and since we never really got to know each other, it just doesn’t go any farther than this.
so now, what do I feel? I am happy not to see him posting pictures on Facebook anymore. I am sorry we didn’t get together again so that we could have explored what this actually was about. and I feel certain that if we met again we probably have the same strong feelings for each other. still, I have to say that he is a player and he is a trouble-maker and he probably would have broken my heart….so, it all is for the best, I guess….

Recently I have been doing it again. I don’t like myself for it. In my defence I have to say that I have a very analytical mind and I sometimes talk about stuff in a more matter of fact way than most people. BUT, I shouldn’t communicate so much about everything! In the last couple of months I have found that making my own decision based on my feelings have helped me become more self-aware and self-assured.
By talking too much I even sometimes manage to be hurt by comments of my friends that they just said to help me…so I create an uncomfortable situation for them as well…
and also, I tend to tell too many be people about it, so that in the end I am totally confused which advice I should follow…

Bottomline is that nobody can help me to figure out what to do or not, I have to make these decision myself….or, I have to except that I am not “quit there” yet…