lovely_lizzy

In February I went snowboarding for the first time in my life. It was awesome and something I have wanted to do for all my life. Unfortunately I fractured my radius while doing it. Nothing serious, I didn’t even notice it until a week after and I didn’t have to wear a cast or anything like that. But I wasn’t allowed to really put pressure on my arm for 6 weeks. Also, I got a mole removed and I wasn’t allowed to jump around , because then the scare would heal badly.
Basically I just started working out a few days ago. Since I started working my weight has gone up and I wasn’t really focus about keeping it of. Because of all the stress and emotional issues I have I sabotaged most of my attempts to get fitter again.

A good friend of mine, who also struggles with her weight advised me to watch the biggest looser and I must say that this show really does inspire me. Mostly because it puts things into perspective! I have always been a little heavier but never obese. And to see these people getting fit and fighting for it really is inspiring, because they are tackling bigger problems than I am!!!

I always wanted to do it and last week I finally did it. A friend and I got the idea two months ago and although I had already other plans to use the money I thought “why not” and I did it.
The whole vacation was such a great experience and I am so happy that I did something that unusual for me.
There one tiny thing: my whole body hurts!!! A friend promised me that it will get better…or I’ll really breake something next time…oh well, no risk, no fun!

...I am worrying and I am stressing. And the worst part of it is that I am not sure if I have good reason for it or not.
What I will admit is that I am stressing too much and that I have fallen back into my old “negative self-pity whole”.
I guess when I don’t know if there really is a problem than there really isn’t. But right now I am so scared that by not making some probably very painful decision I will regrett it later.
My life isn’t really headed into a certain direction right now and I am happy about that, but I would like for things to fall into place somehow and to make plans.
Right now my boyfriend can’t even plan a vacantion destination because he isn’t interested in it. And I would really like for him to go visit my American host family with me in one or two years, but I don’t think he understands how important this would be for me. I know this trip would cost him a lot, but I always wished for someone who would get me to go to places. What hurts the most is that I always thought that when something is serious you make and share plans together, however small or big, even if they don’t work out. But we give each other advice like the decision won’t influence the other person….
I guess I am scared that my life won’t fall into place because he doesn’t want to move forward in any way at all and I might loose years before I get it…