lynner

i organized and went out with some friends for dinner that i hadn’t seen for a while. it was bunches of fun.

and, i just organized a BBQ for next weekend on evite.

this goal is coming along well.

i thought it would be harder! silly me :)

there are some cool conservatories you can get that are kind of cheap that look soooooo neeto! http://www.englishheritageconservatory.com/home.cfm

but, that will take some time…

currently, it’s a huge stress in my life to not have my own space. nobody’s fault but my own, but it’s kind of funny that i moved from a studio apartment to a three bedroom house and have no private space at all.

some people need that, some don’t. for me, it’s like needing air to breathe to have somewhere to go that’s just mine. it’s a spiritual thing, not like i want to be a hermit. maybe it has to do with feeling like i tend to not express my personality a lot, at work or even with how my house is decorated, or in my interactions with people. i tend to be really mellow (which is something i love and value), but, it’s easy to get lost when you’re always willing to make space for other people before yourself.

honestly, when i moved, i should have taken one of the two spare bedrooms and declared it mine. (truth be told – i should have taken the downstairs office. it’s the only hardwood floor space, and then my b-friend’s office would have been one of the bigger spaces upstairs and he could have put a fouton – voila! every need covered) but, instead, i wanted him to have the office he wanted because he works at home and wanted his kids to feel valued and at home in. for sure we could have found a better solution. b-friend suggested a fouton in one of the kid’s rooms, and then it’d be my space when they’re not here… but, this would not have worked, because then it’s still not really my space.

i feel selfish wanting my own ‘full’ room – but, that’s kind of shitty. from an objective standpoint, if there’s three spare rooms in the house and somehow i don’t even get one, that’s not a fair distribution.

but, what to do about it now? he’s settled in his office. too late to get a murphy bed in there (the best solution). honestly, i don’t like either of the upstairs bedrooms for my spiritual space.

so, until we build an addition, this isn’t going to happen for me. i’m just going to have nowhere pre-grounded that i can just go to when i need to yoga/meditate.

perhaps i need to step that up as a priority.

i confess- i ate too much chocolate this afternoon.

ah well.

overall, it’s been a good day.

this is still a goal, and i have done it more in the last few days than in the few days before that. so, i’m heading in the right direction.