magickat1984

It’s almost Halloween and cos I’m into the spirit of the holiday, I usually put on some sort of headband with ears. Yesterday I put on some cat ears (today I’m wearing bunny ears). When I had on the cat ears, boyo’s best friend asked me what cat I was trying to be. I said me!

I’m surprised by that answer—for the longest I’ve felt uncomfortable in my skin, but now I feel good about myself. I’m also trying to let others be my friend, and try to be friendly, and it’s nice to have company. I’m still freaked out by being touched (only cos i’m highly sensitve to touch—someone could accidentally bump into me and it feels like I got knocked about). I desparately want to touch boyo and hug him frequently, but I can’t—it feels like I’m holding back. Maybe cos I love him so intensely that if i were to hug him, I won’t be able to let go.

Apparently I’m having a surge of good luck (about time!). The past three nights, my dreams have been quite weird but had the same theme—all the symbols point to a streak of luck and harmony in my immediate surroundings. But I’m not ready to buy that lotto ticket yet—maybe things will go smoothly in my life for a change.

My brother dreamt of me having a baby and called, almost hysterical, thinking I was pregnant! I had to calm him down, telling him that he dreamt of a good omen—I’m having some good luck and no, I’m not knocked up (hell, I’m not, er, doing it in the first place!) He wasn’t entirely convinced, as he know of my usual complaints and fighting with my roommate….

One dream that stood out in my mind (and spooked me a little) was that I had gone to a fancy restaurant, having accepted my roommate’s invitation. I met him for drinks and we danced to swing music. It was so weird cos we dressed in our punk gear while dining in a classy establishment but people in the restaurant didn’t seem to mind we looked out of place. I rarely dream of my friends and having him pop up in my dreams was a bit startling. Apparently, my roommate dreamt of the same thing cos when I stumbled out of bed to go to the bathroom, he was awake as well. I rattled on about margaritas and he just nodded. Freaky, no?

My roommate claims he worries about my health. He declared he’s taking over the cooking and has done so, but he serves my food on smaller plates. I’m tempted to throw that crap in his face. You think starving me is going to cut it???

He never asks what I’m doing to lose weight or how I’m doing in general. He doesn’t know that for four days a week, I work out for a half hour to an hour, I stopped drinking soda and koolaid and drink water at work now (only drink soda if it’s offered or I grab a can at an office party), I switched to light beer (but I just cut that out too!), I cut down on all my junk food, and I’ve been preparing healthy breakfast and lunches. But nooooo, he doesn’t see that. He sees me as fat and that’s all.

What makes him the surgeon general? He smokes a pack of cigs a day, drinks alcohol like it’s water, and smokes weed all day every day (and ingests other drugs). But he doesn’t want to be seen with a fat chick. That’s his problem cos I don’t want to be seen with some loser. I can lose 120# quickly by getting rid of that idiot I call a friend.