magnamiaa

I guess for this, one has to first define what the ‘calling’ is and ‘fear ’ is… Well, the entire problem starts when you can hear the calling only in bits and pieces because the loud fear hushes everything else out. If one is entirely convinced about their passion and scared on acting on it, it is a different thing. Atleast the pot of gold is constantly in front of you in your mind and someday will spur you to translate it into reality. But when the passion itself doesnt reveal due to the fear within, it is complicated.

What do I want to do in life… I ask myself. I get some choices. Yet, are the choices I dint choose due to assumed inability or lack of resources? Isnt that cowardice too?

Which is the most torturesome captivity in the world? Being held bondage without light or without food in a lone cell? Well, no. I feel the worst kind of bondage is one where you are imprisoned by yourself… when something from within sets your own limits. Anyone can take away your rights, your house, your money… but you still have freedom! But when you cant talk, laugh, dance when you want to talk, laugh or dance because some force holds you back from within, with invisible reins that the world cant see ..the pain that only you feel.. and when you are forced to smile and socialize faking that the reins dont exist…that is CAPTIVITY

It is scary that the most well-hidden secrets are those about ourselves and lie so perfectly hidden beneath making it so hard to know. What did I uncover?... that I dont really love people! What is love… if love is indeed the light that spreads happiness, for no reason, within when you see the person, then NO i dont have it. I guess I just have tons of frustration inside me. When I meet a person for the first time, I am suconsciously comparing, establishing hierarchy in accordance with the unwritten but well establishrules of the world, trying to impress or appear like a cool person… but do I love? NO… it is sad. How can I be myself with a perso I havent connected with?