tikini

Several years ago, I planted some tea. There are not a lot of food-type plants that thrive in the rainforest, probably one of the reasons the old time Hawaiians did not choose to live there. Tea however does remarkably well. All that wetness and shade and the volcanic soil have grown little one gallon sized plants into several very large bushes.

This is a photo from a couple of years back. Since then, the plants have tripled in size. I finally did a small harvest.

I picked maybe a hundred leaves and placed them in a bamboo basket and brought them over to Kohala to dry. I tossed them a few times, and they were drenched in rain once. So tossed some more. I mixed in some hibiscus flower petals and some mint leaves.

Many sites recommend blanching the leaves before making the tea, so I do that. I pour some hot water over them, let them stand a few seconds, and pour off the water. Then I make the tea, with honey.

In wine, there is talk oft times of the terroir, the faint flavor of the earth in the brew. In Hawaii, it is called the aina. The flavor of the aina, the scent and sensibility of that part of the island is clearly discernable in the taste of the tea. It is very pleasing to me, as living here in the desert, it is a nice thing to recall the rainforest so easily.

The best part of all is having these leaves at hand, something I can make and drink of my own efforts and dreams. And knowing there is enough there that I can put together gift tins for my mainland ohana. chee hoo!

Remarkably, the old man now is back to wanting to go out. What happened? All I can guess is, he has made a better adjustment to the changes.

The hundreds of birds that come for the seed and keep the old folks entertained all day long make an enormous mess. Hulls and poop all over the deck. MIL gets up and down for four reasons, and one is to feed the birds. They keep the supply going strong all day.

We took them out to the beach for Mother’s Day. MIL could not remember where we started out from. So I asked her about various things.

Do you see your chair? – No
Can you look out the window? What do you see? – I don’t know. Ask Papa.
Papa, when you look out the window, what do you see? – water
What about the birds? – what birds?

It is not about what they remember, but what they experience moment to moment. The memory is there for the way-back but not so much for the near at hand. At least they know who we are.

For her birthday, I took a picture of my MIL. She remembers that. She loves that picture, and loves it that it is on the internet and people all over the world can see it. She considers herself famous now. This makes her very very happy.

The food part is still by and large a guessing game. Nothing can be counted upon to be appetizing to either of them, except ice cream.

They are stronger and healthier than they have been in the whole time they have been here. Ten months.

dinner in the sky

$290 plus to hang terrified in the air and eat dinner

For no reason, a premonition?

When has it happened?

Do you ever notice when you have a premonition and nothing comes of it?

What do you think of the whole “feeling” thing generally speaking, as in feeling like something is going to happen?

We went out for lunch today. Just a spontaneous stop. I ordered a crab sandwich. It seemed not quite right. I ate half of it. The fries were good.

It was not quite right.

Now I am not quite right either.

No good deed goes unpunished, so the saying goes. I never heard this phrase until well until adulthood. At least my childhood was not branded by the scar…

For the past several days I have been struggling with the anger and other sorts of fallout produced by someone who is meddling in my life. for various reasons I cannot simply ignore her. It is better to make what repairs can be made sooner rather than later.

At the same time, it is not in me to take a passive stance and pretend it doesn’t matter to me.

My solution, after a couple of nights of sleep, is a snail mail letter.

As I contemplate what may come of this, I expect she will dislike me a little more. I can live with that. She may decide not to contact me any more. That is perfect. She may come unglued all over me. I am mentally prepared for that. I will not be taking her calls, so mail of one sort or another will be her recourse. I can always respond after thought and not in the heat of the moment.

Here is the heart of the issue for me: There is the stink of distrust about my life. This is what I would like to vanquish. And maybe my solution is fine. When someone’s actions and/or words bring on a surge of distrust, probably calling them out is completely appropriate. This certainly is not an out-of-the-blue thing, as to this person.

So as may be apparent, I am weighing my response very carefully. There is something of the bully about this person, as if often the case with people who have boundary problems. I think in my response I am drawing my boundaries in bright pink marker, so she will know when she crosses them. So, Ok.

https://www.dwolla.com/about

Would you use this service?

If no, why not?

Even now I can visualize his second wife on the floor
life leaving her in giant spasms her passions flying
out the ends of her fingers
it was the end of her era
He continues to mark the 14th of every month
beckon sad ghosts
keeps her tethered to his calendar

Everyone knows their marriage was a sifting of shrapnel
She unapologetically maintained her reasons for staying with him
were purely economic as she told it for the social good
so she could finish grad school so she could complete her mission
something to do with armadillos as companions for sick children
she had just turned fifty

Her husband makes his travels now
takes in anew the great cities of their journey as a couple
as if they had not always been his places first
Soon he will have rewritten her into his music
Her memorial, a giant black and white photograph
where her hair streams like a dark scarf in the wind

words of Maya Angelou as caption
as if she had laughed as much as she had cried
as if in trying to love him
she had accepted all his love
gleam of courage lifting her chin to the sky

As I study her portrait upon his wall
ponder the captions
remembering how he worked to re-chisel all my edges
.. .. (his first wife)
this thought snaps clear
In his mourning
at last
he has found the wife of his imaginings

One morning Molly woke up pregnant as a bunny
She stretched her long arms to the four winds
walked a country mile to her mailbox
where she discovered a congratulatory note
with an invitation to be on the pilot of a network TV show

It seemed a good idea to go along with it
She packed up made sure she had her picture ID
Her notebook fully charged
she was raring to go something about having an extra being
inside her made everything that much more so

Wouldn’t you have guessed it was a show for mothers to be
A face off of a sort there was a selection of mothers
Arranged like a quilt with cutesy borders
Fake smiles in abundance
Molly shook off the trance and declared herself ready to go

Here you have a girl with roots like a radish
newly considering onesies and changing tables
being asked to consider the ominousness of teen years
What makes you think that future will be anything like this present?
She asked the judges her eyebrows coming together like puzzle pieces

They gave her a low score
a train ticket home and plenty of gifts for the baby to be
all of which she handed out car to car
feeling the stirring within her like butterfly wings
Some things you might walk away with are not worth keeping
She opened her hands to the outside where the judges got caught
in the train wind becoming just so much road dust

Society at large and parents in particular have placed a high value on the college education (called this in the US. Not sure what it is called elsewhere)

For most of my life I have thought any and everyone ought to take that opportunity. For most professional jobs an undergraduate degree is a requirement.

However the cost of getting that degree has made it something parents can often not shoulder, and their children then take on the burden at a time when they themselves are making little or no money. Parents are often horrified to find themselves having to take on repayment of those loans while the kids are still in school. In some cases, it is like a second house payment, or a double car payment.

So here I am to share some thoughts and some information. There are large companies in this country who will pay the cost of tuition for their employees. They ask in return a two year post grad commitment or similar. These companies often are more dedicated to the careers of those they have supported through college. So if you would like to go to college and the financial burden is simply too much, look at large companies. See what they will do for you.

When I have suggested this to someone directly, she shrugged and didn’t seem to think it would be worth it. When she is looking at her $70,000 bill in a year I wonder if she will even remember there was an alternative.

The idea of working one’s way through university used to be pretty commonplace. It is much much easier to do that, pay as you go, work hard, get it done, than to defer the costs. Where there is a company you can work for and earn enough to live, plus they pick up your tuition and book costs, why say no?

University is not the answer for everyone. If you are a parent urging your kids on in this and they are balking, consider taking a step back. Just wonder a bit if maybe your son or daughter is an artist at heart, or a mechanic, beekeeper or entertainer or something else deep inside where all those extra classroom hours are unwelcome. You may be a professor but your kid may be a jazz pianist.

I am writing this because I am thinking about the students of today beginning their professional lives deep in debt and it is chilling. Money worries can be profound. Student loans are a forever thing. They cannot be discharged in bankruptcy. I have seen parents on here melancholy over their relationships with their teenagers, wishing for better times, wishing their kids could see things their way. Instead, step back. We do not have other people’s answers. Including me – I do not have your answers. This is merely by way of pointing out something I see that can be different for many people. Just some stray thoughts.

As late as I am, I send blue blue water to the dragonfly because I have watched how dragonflies love the blue water. Hope your day was spectacular and the year ahead brings you ever in line with your life goals.

Do you have any idea what they are talking about?
by the time his hands have found the curve of my butt
Nothing whatsoever is casual about this encounter
This phrase “casual sex” is like “jumbo shrimp”
For me sex has always been passionate
If it is not that way for you
your bedroom is crying on your behalf
What they mean with that phrase is this
If you are the sort of person who can become enraptured
over dinner or during a first conversation
you are a menace to the society of those who live by the book
It has become vogue now to turn only your camera ready side
to the public eye to be politically correct in all your manners
march in lockstep to the beat of the conservative drum
and end your public speech with God Bless America
Well I say God Bless America and everyone in it
especially the rabblerousers

She was already an old woman
White hair twisted in a six sided knot
Knowing of bell song in her eye
draped in casual golden threaded purple
Dropping poetry at her feet to draw in her friends

I watched at first from an opera box
growing bolder I smiled
as any friend would
she beckoned me closer
putting her hand upon the back of my neck
she drew me very near

“I want to give you my secret”
she whispered at me, shivers running down her fingers
Should I accept such a gift?
I had no choice
It was as sticky as honey in the comb

“Whatever they tell you accept it”
Her words fell into a puddle at my feet
She looked down then back at me
“This is a gift. Go ahead, try it on”
I wrapped her few words up with my scarf

I have them still
Secret of one who fashioned treasures
who unlocked mystery in shimmering liquid glass
go on and tell me anything
I will take it in like fresh water
everything you have will nurture me
I will lead you to the well
if you let me

Today there was a note in my inbox from a prominent internet site that their data base had been hacked and customers’ private information had been taken. Of particular note was the fact that email accounts and passwords were taken. So the site urged people to change their passwords not only on the site in question, but on any other site they may have used the same password.

As annoying as it is, the most trivial of sites all seem to have passwords, and of course the more personal or important the site the more important it is to have a unique password.

Do you have more than a dozen passwords?
Are they combinations of numbers and letters that spell nothing?
Do you keep them written down somewhere? If not, how do you remember them?
At work, do you keep your passwords someplace an office spy could probably find them with no trouble?
Do you have office spies?
Are you aware that for about $250 any fool can buy a password decoder that will find your password, just about on any site?

Ha ha my Saturday list of questions. It is hot here, I am doing laundry and hanging it to dry. In case anyone wanted to know.

It came as a great discovery
Jeffrey Kingery brought his dog to school
It was for show and tell
His dog had a black spot over one eye

I sat in my straight back chair
uncertain why this dog mattered so much
why he deserved to be at the front of the class
Secretly it shocked me that Mrs Hoeness
put up with the dog at all
seeing as how she threw fits if someone threw away half an apple

Jeffrey introduced the dog as if it was a person
“This is Fitzmasterson” he said
Fitzmasterson? Someone laughed
Then another kid laughed
Mrs Hoeness told the class to stop laughing
Laughter is something you cannot shove down

Soon laughter had erupted over the room
Like shaving cream coming out of a broken can
Jeffrey stood at the front of the class with his dog
mouth agape as if in surprise
he felt the front of his pants
I knew he thought he was unzipped

Mrs Kingery scowled at the class
She came up and took the dog away
“Good Fitzmasterson good dog good boy”
she kept saying as her gait made that swish sound
where her nylon stockings rubbed between her thighs

Jeffrey Kingery went back to his seat
The laughter burst out a couple more times
Mrs Hoeness told the class we were forbidden to say
the word Fitzmasterson in the room
There were popping and sputtering sounds
Lisa Kelsey’s face turned red then her laughter exploded
it was like rainbow confetti you put on white frosting

Altogether this is my favorite memory from first grade
I went home and said “Fitzmasterson” to my little sisters
they were too young for school
They laughed until they peed their panties
What I would have given for a dog
whose name could be as explosive as a soda bottle too

You may think of the desert in terms of sands
wind blown color of spring fawns
sun etched parched surface punctuated by ripples
flowering spiny cacti

My desert is not like that
To begin with there is no sand to become wind furrowed
What began as black ground has been sun bleached to red
there are furrows where water will hurtle down
there can be monstrous rainfalls

curly horned goats with beards graze the furrows
trees have thorns they are the keawe of the island
fat turkeys roam in pairs
imported birds reproduce madly live in giant clusters
they swoop over you in yellow clusters to eat your lunch

It is all framed in sky and sea of cerulean blue
cloud of the volcano settles over nearby mountains
Down near the ocean palms rattle in the winds
there is a presence everywhere so you are never alone

My eyes are pretty much recovered. 90%. I don’t wear my contacts as much anymore, and change them out more often. Drinking more water has gotten more habitual. I add mineral salts to it morning and evening. This is I think the main thing that is improving my health overall. Am back to walking more. I think I can do 2 miles about now without worries. This is a big improvement. Over the weekend I think I walked about 5 miles, and maybe one mile today. Guess I should keep better track.

The first time I walked amidst sky scrapers
I noticed these things
Wind that had gotten lost from itself
swirling about trying to reconnect to its tail
My feet told me of the chill of pavement where sun can’t get in

Come up with me my friend said
Let’s see the City from the top
The ride clunked and thumped made sudden jerks
At the top the box seemed to pass its station then bounce down
It felt already as if I might not like it but I did

The carpet had the patina of thousands of feet
still a resilience of color and loft that said someone
thought it mattered this was to be walked upon
The host invited us to a window table even though we said
We were there to drink some sparkling water and entertain our eyes

Beneath us spread the old City like a tapestry in three dimensions
I began picking out garden spots with satisfying borders
Took note of a plethora of luxurious rooftops
My heart melted that certain streets lay like serpents
That stairs climbed hilly paths shining in mosaic jewel lights

Although we left straightaway for eucalyptus lined walkways
lunch at the lake with swans and reflections
I knew I would go back again to that lofty sky room
As if I had wings
Next time I would have a City drink like a Manhattan
Or perhaps I would ask for a San Francisco and see what came to me

New place to live, new friends in the hood

We are a bit widely spaced to naturally run into each other. One of the neighbors lives on the mainland and has returned for a couple weeks of garden management. We’ve talked a few times. She has told me a couple of things I should change to make her life better, but other than that she seems like a good time waiting to happen as long as it is short good time.

One of my friends from before the move lives not so far away and has invited me to a girlie get together of wine, pupus and conversation. I am stoked. A chance to meet women from around here. Most of her friends are paddlers and she has invited me down for that too. Takes some planning to get up before the sun and agree to getting into a boat that sits low on the water and going out onto the open ocean. I think I will try it though.

It is the last goodbye
Kali’s dance obliterative
stamping out one person at a time
except for the anger of humans with weapons

inexorable indefatigable
rhythm of the march to an unseen horizon

When her feet pound too close
you will stop everything
in that pause whatever that life has been to you
streams through you like fire in the bone
the cyclone of your grief crashes into your core

This is like the backdrop of being human
the echo of the beginning of the universe
the sense of there being nothing
from nothing emerges everything
beyond where we can know it ends again

what if there was no real death
what if we just chose any moment at all
knowing we were changing out bodies
stepped out of one body into whatever was next
what if we could not tell what we were getting into
but might return as a bug

how long would you wait in a decrepit body
how would you choose to leave
what if no one knew anything at all about it
for everyone, what happens next was total mystery
how long would you stay then in a body all used up?

It is all such a mystery to us
conjecture and fear of falling into nothingness
When it comes to our sense of what lies beyond
we are strictly flat earthers