mandygrlhoopla

I had a goal to stop drinking alcohol. I am such an all or nothing girl. But by doing that I always end up doing way more all than I should. I love drinking wine. It makes me feel relaxed and good about myself. I don’t want to stop that.

But I do want to stop drinking every night or second night which was a habit that had snuck up on me. To the point that I associated with feeling happy and good so if I was thinking about doing something fun after work, it would always involve alcohol – go to a bar, go out for dinner, get a dvd, a quiet night at home – always involved opening a bottle. And as I’m trying to lose weight, it was a very bad habit to cultivate.

So I am trying week by week – starting 1 May – to have alcohol once a week only.

I have had goals such as ‘lose weight’ lose 5 kilos, and get under 70 kilos forever. It doesn’t work for me. Being on a diet freaks me out – rather eating something not on plan while on a diet freaks me out!!! I then eat and eat and eat. So I’m trying to be kind to myself.

Eating by instinct – what does my body need – lots of fruit lots of vegies, some meat some dairy, limited treats limited alcohol. But when I diet I am following someone else’s idea of what my body need – carbs are bad, sugar is bad, too much fruit is bad, too much meat will give you cancer, dairy will make you lactose intolerant, too much fat will make you fat, eat fat and not carbs to be skinny….my poor head hurts.

So i’m trying to not diet. I am NOT weighing myself. I am eating when hungry and choosing healthy foods and eating some dark chocolate if I want..things like that and see what happens over the next few months. But first, I want to get through week one….

I had a few false starts, but yesterday I spent the whole day without added sugar.

I had kind of convinced myself that I don’t eat much sugar unless I’m bingeing. The problem is, I’m always bingeing. So yesterday I just focused on no added sugar. I didn’t worry bout fats, or carbs or protein. I ate when I was hungry and I ate until I was full. I did not add sugar or eat products with added sugar such as honey, jam, sauces etc. And I was exhausted. My body wanted that sugar boost so I had fruit during that time.

We will see what today holds, but right now I am trying to forgive myself, to take little, and by little I mean tiny, steps and slowly but surely change.