mariaOmaria

It’s been a while since my last entry. A week. But when I first started 43 things, I was so motivated I was ready to tackle 5 things on my list that same day. Now, I’m not sure what’s going on. I’m getting sidetracked again. I know what I should be doing, but for some reason…

I knew this was coming. I start things, but never finish them. Will this be another one?

Hope not.

Additionally, as of late, I’ve been feeling a little shabby. Being away from home, friends and family, time flying so fast I can barely hold it all together, wasting so much time on known time vacuums but doing so anyway, ugh.

I miss the good old days. Before computers. I didn’t feel this way before. It felt like I was living life to the fullest. Most everyone I talked to agreed that back in the olden days, when things were simple, life was felt, breathed, experienced. They didn’t feel like they were either wasting time or numb. This is how I’ve been feeling every minute lately it seems. When I’m overly productive, I just feel… like a robot. When I’m doing things at my own pace, I feel like my time isn’t spent wisely. I’d end up just draining my time in front of a wasteland – the internet. OK, I’m sorry. Yes, the internet has some great things. But, then again, we did survive without it before.

Can someone please turn back time? Or could we all please just stop and smell the roses? I miss being alive.

Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and cast in two mites (very small copper coins), worth only a fraction of a penny. Calling his disciples to him Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, this poor widow put more into the treasury than all the others”. ” For all of them have contributed out of their abundance; but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on” Mark 12:41 & Luke 21:1

This is why I want to give back. Not just ‘contribute’, but give back. What’s better than having an abundance is pleasing God as he sees how much of what we have received we are willing to give back. We are judged not on the dollar amount that we contribute, but truly reciprocating out of our hearts the blessings that we have received.

With lack of time, money and creativity, this goal is harder than I thought. But I had given up another job that paid a handsome salary for another that was a lot, lot lower. It was because I thought the new job would allow me to a be a part of something that gives back, however indirectly. I also work almost all week. So does that count? Sometimes I tell myself that I am doing some good everyday, but I still don’t feel like it’s enough. I want to make a direct impact. Just not sure how…

Actually, I do know of some ways. I can cut back on some wasteful consumption, like flying. But they won’t allow that just yet. The guilt…that for now I can’t do much about.