ayshah nawaz

im going to save up enough money to go on an intensive residential driving course in blackpool and God Willing, i shall pass

i will clean the bathroom and kitchen.
i will do everyones washing
i will clean the bedrooms and sitting room
i will spend time with my son
i will cook a nice meal
i will pay attention to my husband
i will be happy

i dont know whats wrong with me, i think im a very self destructive person. when im stressed i binge, when i binge i throw up, when i throw up i hate myself and i hate the effects of constantly vomiting on my body and mind. i feel so powerless in the grip of this insanity. i have a couple of days freedom then boom! i start again. i have a good life, house, marriage, husband, son….everything i have ever prayed for. so why am i so stressed and depressed? what do i actually want from life? im always so negative i must be hell to live with, i think im pushing my husband away and thats stressing me and hurting me even more. i bring everything on myself. i beleive the stress etc all stems from low self esteem. i hate myself and at the same time i want to regain my confidence and love for myself that i had in my youth.