masterman99

So I’m only 17, but I’m already dreaming towards doing this. I don’t think its something I would be incapable of. I’m going to be receiving my Eagle in the next couple months, I’ve done some backpacking, been to Philmont once, so I definatly feel as though I would be capable of doing it.

Now, I know a Philmont trek is not enough preperation, but if I’m go through with it I’ll end up doing it just after college. (I’m hoping to try and graduate in either 3 1/2, or 4 1/2 years so I’ll be able to do it right out of college more easily). I’m looking forwards about 6 years from now would be when I would step on the trail in Georgia, but its been well over a years since I’ve gone a day without stepping on the trail.

Maybe I’m thinking a little to far ahead into the future, but once I get into college every free moment will be spend planning for my hike, and in preparation. If all goes well, I should be able to be in the class of 2014 of thru-hikers.

I have not been doing to well recently, The biggest problem that I’ve been having the last few weeks is that I’ve been kind of down in the dumps about some stuff, and when i feel depressed, the masturbating makes me feel so much better. But at this point I’m temporarily tabling this goal, at least until I can work out this other stuff. I’ve finally started to talk to someone though, so I hope this gets worked out soon so I can get things back on track.)

I don’t even understand why I still do this at this point, I do this stupid thing 3 or 4 times a day, to the point where unless I end up going a few days between masturbating, I don’t even have a good orgasm anymore. I mean, while I may still only be in high school, I can’t help but thing what happens if this keeps up, and because of this habit I’m not able to enjoy sex with my wife because I only want to do this by myself…

But oh well, just wish me luck/pray for me for a few days, not so much about the masturbating, but more about just getting through some of this depression I’ve been in so I actually can start up this goal again….

Alright, I’m on day 3 now, and I don’t think I’ve since the first week of January here, or even read anything here. This is the first time I’ve gone longer than even a single day since last November (where I only went three.)

One thing that has really helped me the last few days, is that in the past I always tried to stop to improve my own life, improve my faith etc. etc. Basically the stuff that we all try to thing. But there were two problems with this I realized. The first is that I enjoy masturbating to much. When I try to think, oh masturbation is bad, I instead think of how good it feels.

The second problem is that honestly I don’t care about my personal live as much as I care about my friends. Basically I would without a second pause do something that would hurt me a little if it meant helping out some of my better friends. And I basically just thought, what good will it do to those around me, or even me really, if I stop masturbating? And I come up with nothing.

Basically what I think now, is about one of my friends who I confessed this whole problem to. (Although I’ve been to afraid to bring the topic back up.) But I think about how much I know she disagrees with this action, and I just try to remind myself, I’m no longer doing this for myself. I’m doing this for her.

I’ve come really close the last couple days to falling, especially yesterday. I’ve come within a couple seconds of actually orgasming, but have somehow always been able to pull myself out of it.

The biggest problem that has come the last few days, is I’ve been feeling much more frustrated than usual. I’m just realizing now that I’ve been using masturbation as a way to let out energy sitting in my body, and to let out the stress. And the problem is the other way that most of my stress tends to leave me, is by talking to the girl I’m trying to do this for, a girl who I’ve been crushing on for I believe four years now, but we’ve both been busy the last couple days, and I haven’t talked to her much. Yesterday, a day when I only said a few sentences to her during school was much worse than the day before when I talked to her a lot, or even today when at least I’ve spent some real time with her.

But anyways….
I’ve got about 5 hours left in day 3, and if I can get through day 4, then thats longer than I have since I think last summer when i wasn’t even home most of the time.