maybemelissa

next time i’ll try not to be poor when i do it

i wouldn’t object

under the evil eye of a an evil girl. just the thought of it is delicious.

my favorite quality in a girl is irreverence. and thumb wrestling has always been a favorite prelude to actual wrestling. and an irreverent girl would fight dirty.

or Bobby Fischer. Sadly, online chess is one my favorite things to do, and I did win county champion a couple of years ago. instead of calling me nerdy, consider this endearing in the face of my love of the Subhumans and Bad Brains.

my arms, neck, back, stomach, ass, legs. i don’t want to look like i emerged from a tribal commune or anything but let’s mix it up a little people. seriously. i want a tattoo so bad at this point i’d let a one-eyed lunatic with a facial twitch tattoo anything he wanted on me with a jimmy-rigged gun. i’d stick my arm right out for him. do it. right now i’m batting around the decepticon idea on the back of my neck and the daggers running down the back of my legs. yum.

i need to learn to be more understanding of straight people. they are here, they’re straight, and they are proud of it. and just because they flaunt it everywhere, and expect me to just be OK with seeing their straight love in yoplait commercials, it doesn’t mean that they should be discriminated against. they’re all good. i mean, my god, they invented the pregnancy test. a virtual breakthrough in the medical industry. and the cosby show. in fact, i will no longer bias myself toward straight girls. i will give them a go just as i would a hot girl’s girl. i will showcase my new indiscriminant affection for the straight community by wearing a shirt that says: straight is great, and make out with only straight girls from now on. this is something i will truly stand behind. a part of me feels relieved. like i’m doing something good for straightkind. i’m out…

a spanking good time

i worked in, the customer base was mostly crazy transients. talking to them was the highlight of my day. i learned many useful things, such as: never trust a highway man with your knapsack and bread, avoid the law when your “trippin’ your brains out on them mushrooms,” and “broke motherfuckers ain’t worth your time.” and the number one truth: transients drink olympia. a shitload of olympia.

it took me three weeks to learn, and it’s hard to get all the nuances right, but in the end the bitches go crazy. my performance is on my myspace page right now. the only lame part is the wig cuts off my circulation. and i fell offstage once. otherwise, a very fly thing to do: deserves mass pimp points.

this makes the punch more effective—more likely to make the person fall over like a punk bitch.