We invited my mom for dinner last night. It’s her normal mode of operation to find fault and nitpick, while at the same time offering something good. It’s very confusing.
I know my mom doesn’t want any of her children, grandchildren, our spouses to have any stress, but honestly that’s not realistic. She wants to have no stresses in her life than the occasional thing. Okay. Not that I want to be overwhelmed in stress, but when you have kids, husband, obligations, you naturally have stress.
It doesn’t help that most every time she sees me that she says I work a lot. I know I work a lot. Most weeks, I work 7 days a week and many hours for little pay. It’s what I have and can get right now, as sad as that may sound. Often it’s not even minimum wage.
However, the plus side is I can do this work wherever there is my laptop and internet connection and though daily I have deadlines, I can choose when during that deadline to get it done. I can work in my jammies and I have no commute. So, those are the plus things.
I accepted the terms of the conditions to work for this pay and I do work extra for extra pay. It’s not much, but for now, it’ll have to do. I don’t constantly think about it. I’m reminded when I’m up until midnight working, like last night again.
However, I got to be around my husband and children for the day and when I took short breaks, they are around. So, I get to interact with them. Usually I try to look at the good side, rather than keep bemoaning what it is not, as that doesn’t help anything but put me more in a bad mood and attitude, which happened last night.
My mom is a CONSTANT nagger and I mean to the nth degree. It’s hard for me to take. I know the weight I gained earlier this year was because of her nagging and saying things that emotionally I couldn’t deal with it and just began eating. Last night after she left, I ate a Kit Kat bar. I wasn’t hungry. I just wanted to eat something.
I have a large stash of Kit Kats for my husband, which he loves and I hide in different places that he’ll stumble upon for sure, like under his keyboard. I asked him where he got the Kit Kat as he was enjoying it. He said his keyboard laid the Kit Kat bar. That made me laugh, which I needed.
Since I’ve been buying little treats for my husband for the past few months, I’ve not eaten ONE bar, until my mom. I almost started crying.
My mom is always so worried and concerned that I work too hard. Okay. I got it, but stop placing that on me. I already have enough stresses to deal with, I don’t need her stuff on top of that. That really, in comparison to everything else, is just too much for me.
My mom offered to send us on vacation of our choice (within reason) all expenses paid by her for however long we want. She assumed that I would get paid for my vacation from my subcontracting work and I said I am not their employee, rather a contractor. If I don’t work, I don’t get paid. However, since most days I don’t even make $40, taking a week off is $200 and the loss of that $200-$300 is more realized by the gain I would derive (as well as my family) from the refreshment I would get on the vacation.
Instead of just asking like a normal person and letting us figure it out, or asking if I could take time off, she went into nitpick that if I went and worked as a receptionist, I could be making more money. Well, yes that is true. And, I have applied for quite a few receptionist jobs. However, they require that you fill out a job history on the app and when they see my employment history, I think that already has them put in a pile of not to consider, because it’s really low level from what I’ve done.
I’ve applied at jobs as low as stocking shelves to being a high level technical manager and what I have right now is what I’ve been doing for the past year plus. I am happy that I can at least make money and to provide for my family.
Yes, we do shop at Goodwill, or we do take things that people give us, or I buy super inexpensive, or when people bless us with stuff, we are incredibly grateful, or we simply do without and just be grateful for what we have.
My mom kept harping that I bought too much tuna. Yes, we had like 40 cans of tuna. However, we do eat tuna several times a month and usually that will last us about 2-3 months. I would have bought more had I had the money, so we wouldn’t have had to buy for like 6 months.
I don’t buy a lot of things that are canned, but tuna, coconut milk, some Asian stuff, vienna sausages, tomato sauce/paste are basically what I buy canned and if they’re on sale (I know what are good prices), I’ll stock up.
My mom is a minimalist and she doesn’t cook anymore. She doesn’t need to. It’s just herself and if she’s in LV, my SIL sends food home for her to last for a few days. If she’s here, one of her 4 children will have her over and send her home with food. Or if she’s playing Mah Jong, then they have food there, so 2-4 days a week, she plays MJ. So, she has no real need to cook.
I have a family – 1 teenager and 1 tween.
When I wasn’t doing this job, I had less money and it was just child support. Yes, my dad does help out so much by providing us a place to live and that is super huge. We do pay rent, but not a lot. Our major expenses are the kids’ schooling & stuff associated with that along with extra curricular activities, gas, and car maintenance. We do eat out some, but not too much.
The first year the kids went to their schools, I wasn’t able to pay all the stuff and so the schools kindly helped us out. Last year we were able to pay for most of the stuff because of my job.
It’s because I nitpick on price and watch the sales/ads and take advantage of good opportunities. For about $16, I was able to buy 8 pairs of almost new khakis at Goodwill for my son for school. Unless he has a HUGE, HUGE growth spurt, this should last for this school year. Someone is donating to him the polos he needs to wear.
Our daughter, unless God sends someone to sell us used polos or give us polos, we will have to pay the new price, but I will negotiate a discount with the store as I did the year before for her sweater.
We pick up every penny (or any money) we see anywhere and save them. This has probably equated to over $300 in the past 7 years. We consolidate driving trips to run errands.
Like Albertson’s had cereal for $1 a box and the kinds we like. I haven’t bought cereal in over 2 yrs and the kids and my husband love cereal, so that’s our little treat. I bought 10 boxes of varying kinds. Yes, it’s an off named brand, but who cares?
It’s what I have to do right now and I am. It’s almost like a game to me. And believe me, I am incredibly grateful for her and others generosity. There are ways I can pay it forward, like we’ll be donating all my son’s school clothes to a family that can use it. I’ll be taking his clothes over next week to the school and asking Mrs. T to find a family or two that can use S’s clothes – from sweaters, vests, pants, shorts, polos (long and short sleeved). Some were given to us and others we bought used.
I think my mom is embarrassed that we shop at Goodwill, but we are not. She doesn’t say anything there as she knows that we cannot even afford Wal-Mart clothes. It’s okay. Because I find things that are better than WM clothes at Goodwill.
When she treated us to Red Robin the other day, I saw that my son was wearing a Ralph Lauren Polo pair of shorts and a nice dress shirt. I think I probably paid $2 for the shorts. I don’t know how much a boy’s Polo pair of shorts costs, but I’m pretty sure new is more than 10x that with tax. I’m pretty much NOT unhappy that I only spent $2.
And, even when we’re making good money, we’re still going to shop at Goodwill not because we have to, but because we want to. I was so incredibly happy that my daughter got to go to her graduation party looking beautiful and cute in a gorgeous dress and dressy shoes for how much? $7. Well, to be fair, it was really $6.98. No complaints here.
Yes, I get that my mom doesn’t want me to have to work so hard. Okay. Thank you, mom, but that’s what I need to do right now and I’m doing it. You’re constantly sarcastic and biting remarks are not helping. She could either say nothing at all, which really would help so much, or she could say she’s proud of me for being resourceful with my finances and providing for my family on such little money.
Her reaction always is shrouded in negativity. Today I’m not working out because I had a hard time sleeping. I need to do some EFT or something. I can’t function like this – when there is more personal interaction, that I eat to soothe, can’t sleep, etc.
God bless my mom. I love her, but I’m allowing her to make me an emotional wreck. It also caused an argument between my husband and I as he usually has empathy for my mom and saying I’m really defensive. My mom knows just all the right buttons to press to emotionally upset me.