melloyello77

So much has happened. I don’t want to be with him, EVER, but I will always have something for him – a chemistry I suppose – but he is a dick and he is leaving for good soon! WWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Bring it on! Twat. SO#o, it’s as over as it is ever going to be – he shagged other girls when he was away all the time he was playing me… nob. So I guess this is as good as done but I can never say forever the feeling will go – just that I will never be with him thank christ! I least I GET IT NOW!

I have meditated a few times now with the help of a cd. it’s amazing and I feel it is meant for someone like me – striving to be happy!

In fact every time I have done it now I have cried. Not loads, just little tears of tension falling away. I just think back to my breathing if thoughts come along. I do let thoughts develop a little, they are mostly current issues in my life, but I focus on the now – not what has happened or worrying about what will happen. I paint a positive light over every thought and then concentrate on my breathing again. The more I do it the less my mind gets distracted. It’s made me feel loved just to even be here on earth – I am not religious at all – but when I meditate I feel connected to just exisiting, on this earth (if tahts where we are and not in some lab). It doesn’t matter. I exist and I feel love. Just focus on the now – and be amazed your breathing.

It has definitely helped me be more productive about everything. I think less emotionally, less negatively – I just do what should be done because it is positive.

Find a cd. Read about it. Try it. I don’t think it’s for everyone and for different people at different times in their lives – but for me right now its amazing.

he’s been away 4 weeks. finished it twice but sent a postcard saying he loves me. i spoke to him on the phone last night (he is still away for 4 weeks) and he asked me what would I say if he asked me to go and meet him out there where he is for a few days so we could talk and be away from everything. I said no. He told me to go a few times in the call but kept asking me things before I went to say goodbye. he wants me and he doesn’t want me. he talked about kids again. i told him to have a think a think hard – write a letter not an email in 5 minutes. I still want him. it’s his final chance now. I want to go and see him. feeling a bit weird about it now tho. do i really want to spend my life with someone like this? in the time he has been away I have seen what people are like – nice. this seems like a bit of a joke. but my heart hasn’t given up yet. i await the letter. i sent him an email saying all the good things we could have. a terrified boy who is afraid of being a man will have read that today. lets see what happens it really is his final chance.