melramps

I can speak conversational Spanish, but I really want to become a fluent speaker. I really want to live in a Spanish speaking country. I don’t have any friends who speak fluent Spanish so it’s hard to get better.

I have had the hardest year of my really hard life. On June 20, 2008 my biological father killed himself, then not even a year later, on June 5, 2009, my dad (technically step-dad) died of cancer. When my bio father died I was very angry and couldn’t understand how he could be so selfish. The reason he killed himself was because my step-mom was going to divorce him. He was a jerk and a horrible father, but he is still half the reason I have to live, so I guess I am slightly thankful for that. My dad on the other hand was the greatest person I have ever met, and I cannot get past the fact that he isn’t here anymore, I can’t call him, or hug him, or tell him I love him. He was my favorite person and we were best friends. When my mom wanted him sent to hospice I fought for him to come home because that’s what he wanted, so I got it for him. When he needed someone to be with him 24/7 and make sure he took all his meds, I did that for him. When couldn’t speak or think anymore, I told him it was okay and that he could go, we would be okay, he did that for me. And when he died in my living room I turned off his breathing machine, held his hand and told him I loved him, and called the nurse and funeral home. And at his funeral I gave his eulogy. I was there for him just like he was there for me since I was one and a half. And I miss him soooooooooooo much, I don’t know what to do anymore but I can’t stop crying.

I love you dad, and I miss you so much, I hope I can see you again some day.