I'm doing 40 things
i hide every thing from every body!! some people know some things others know other things no one knows every thing but me. its soo screwed up.. and the thing is i didnt even notice i did it untill about a month ago when a friend said she didnt know any thing about me… then i started to notice a dont tell people pretty much any thing about my self how i really feel what i really like what i do ect its like i have my real self and then my peoeple self the person i am to the out side world… and i know exaclty why i do it its coz im trifyed of being judge and not just a little bit scared i mean terrifyed and the thing is i have got in to such a massive habbit of hiding hu i really and i have no i dea how to start opening up to peoeple…im soo wired im a compleat closed book and the peoeple closest to me im pretty sure think im crazy! and i am sure thats why i cant keep frien for too long coz i get scared of getting to close to them and opening up.. can any one give me any advice?? xx
midnightblue369's Life List
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1. travel the world
1 entry . 3 cheers18,503 people -
2. get all the negative people out of my life
1 cheer1 person -
3. move to brazil
1 cheer31 people -
4. stop being paranoid
1 entry221 people -
5. Change my last name
135 people -
6. eat frogs legs
1 cheer2 people -
7. get clear skin
301 people -
8. dont give a fuck what people think of me
1 person -
9. live on my own
1 entry . 1 cheer588 people -
10. get a sexy hair cut
1 entry1 person -
11. stop apologizing
1 entry54 people -
12. make a portfoplio of all my photography
1 person -
13. redecorate
55 people -
14. lie less
64 people -
15. practice CBT
1 person -
16. thdo some thing brave every day for e whole summer or at least for a few weeks
1 person -
17. have a boob job
22 people -
18. gain self-esteem
3 cheers13 people -
19. remind my self every day that im am worth just as much as the next person
1 entry . 3 cheers1 person -
20. stop depending on others for my happiness
1 entry . 1 cheer173 people -
21. Have a totally different life by this time next year
2 entries982 people -
22. feel beautiful
2 entries . 2 cheers2,054 people -
23. feel less alone
1 entry . 3 cheers2 people -
24. learn to play the piano
1 entry . 2 cheers7,414 people -
25. lose weight
1 entry36,291 people -
26. stop saying stupid things when im drunk
1 entry8 people -
27. overcome my OCD
3 entries . 3 cheers203 people -
28. run away
1 entry . 1 cheer1,080 people -
29. get nicer clothes
1 cheer4 people -
30. learn spanish
1 cheer15,452 people -
31. dye my hair pink
2 cheers412 people -
32. be in control of my life
55 people -
33. stop being jealous
1 entry670 people -
34. stop being so sensitive
1 entry162 people -
35. stop procrastinating
1 entry26,927 people -
36. have a threesome
1 cheer860 people -
37. hold a monkey
1 entry . 1 cheer104 people -
38. skinny dip
1 entry . 1 cheer768 people -
39. get fit
1 entry2,773 people -
40. beat depression
1 cheer204 people
How I did it: went for it and tryed not to be scared of things i was not used to.. i wen into shops and stayed awy from the areas of the shop i would noramly go to and wen for all the coulers i wouldnt normally pick a egnored all blacks greys and whites and when for couler in stead i stareted wearing heels which i never normaly did for some reason that had a really big impact on the way i dresses maybe its because you cant wear baggy trousers and … Read how I did it…
well iv never been more up for this goal in my life, im sooo board with my life… i just need to work really hard with trying to make money for the rest of this year to make this goal possible!! xxx
ok every one is going to probly hate me for writin this on her but i have given up on this i think im going to get a boob job. i wish i didnt have to but i really see it as my only option and chance of ever feeling happy about my body… im not going to get a massive ones just up to a B-cup i think, so i am in preportion (or remotly)... this is really affectin my life my relation ship with men as in i really dont have proper relationships with them coz i really hate my body…i would rather have a one night stand with some one coz i will never have to see them again and deal with the embarresment of the way i look naked! this sound really really fucked up and stupid and pathetic but i dont give a shit its how i feel and its strange but i have never admitted it to any one i suppose not even to my self but yeh its how i feel and i didnt ask to be like this and have such rediculous hand up i know they are rediculous but i really cant get over them its something that has been bugging me for half my life i cant seem to find any other way out i just want to be normal…. im fed up of fighting this battle every day of trying to feel good about the way i look and hoping that one day i will be confident and see my body as normal coz at the moment i see it as DEFORMD!!
