Milky Marla

Today I am grateful for…
★ finally finding the muse to cook my first new recipe this year…will have it for lunch tomo…! #excited
★ getting SOME tax work done despite being knackered n battered w my period n a cold…been brave-ish
★ my dearest BF calling me from abroad this morning…wonderful way to wake up…at noon :P
★ the instant success w my first Instagram post…only created my profile today but got likes n comments n one follower already…YAY!
★ finding some AMAZING new clothes I want to buy online…can’t wait to finish my taxes so I can reward myself…!!!

Today I am grateful for…
★ bliss of waking up calm n happy
★ being greeted by a white softened-sound-levels kinda morning…first proper snow…!
★ the sweet n loving morning message from my BF (he’s abroad)
★ Ovomaltine…sooo perfect for when it’s cold outside :P
★ for finding the courage to stand up for myself more n more n that i made a start at breaking free from my superiors suppressions n manipulations…one baby step at the time…now I just have to learn to manage still getting all my other things done as well n not let her drag me down all the time…!

...Thoughts and suspicions about what’s going on with my superior totally trying to avoid going through with the heart-on-heart talk we are supposed to have with my colleague are racing through my head and causing me emotional turmoil. Why is my superior avoiding the confrontation with my colleague? What us going to come out in this talk? Does her current behavior prove to the bosses that she’s been lying about what she said I supposedly said to her which I didn’t (when she claimed that I supposedly said that I should have been the shop manager, while calling her a schizophrenic and bully). How can I protect myself from further manipulations. What will happen as a result to me exposing her behavior and lies. Will she get fired? Will the bosses believe her or me? How can I prove what’s going on to the bosses? Will I be able to cope with the extra (temporary?) responsibilities in case the bosses do decide to fire her? What about the mistakes I’ve made? Like asking my colleague if she also thinks that my superior might be on cocaine at work sometimes. I know that I probably should have told the owners then and there what I suspect. But without prove that could have seriously backfired so I didn’t know what to do. Although my suspicions were somewhat confirmed when my superior told me herself that her own boyfriend told her in a concerned way about an anti-cocaine poster he’s seen that made him worry about her showing a persons distorted black nose/face after having snorted bad/dirty drugs/cocaine. Then my superior had a sexual affair wirh one of our customers. Deceiving her boyfriend and being totally out of line when she dragged me into this by telling me sexual remarks this customer has made about me. Things are certainly coming to a boil at the moment. And I guess I’m also somewhat freaked out that my BF is going away from tomorrow till Monday and that I won’t be able to manage all that stress/pressure by myself. Plus won’t be able to talk things through. Though I haven’t done anything wrong. I’m not the one who keeps twisting things, lying and manipulating. I’ve not been out of order with my colleagues and I’ve not been plotting against anyone to get them fired. All I can do right now is have faith in the truth coming out and facing whatever consequences come with it. All I need to keep doing at the moment is to continue to distance myself from the actions of my superior when necessary and if things don’t add up or seem weird, I need to keep double checking with my bosses. Whatever my superior might be planning to do to sabotage my integrity, reputation and the trust I have with the owners/bosses is outside of my control. I will let her do whatever she does and cover myself as much as possible while remaining focused on what I can do: have faith in myself, my honesty, my non-wrongdoing. Have faith in a fair outcome. Have faith in this turmoil actually being an opportunity for me to clear my name of all the unfair allegations & lies about me from my superior. Have faith in whatever comes next will be for THE best & for MY best. To keep calm & keep strong. And most of all: keep standing up for myself. And always remember that this tension and turmoil is temporary. Wow! I managed to calm myself down pretty well on my own. Can be proud and optimistic. Hoping to go back to sleep now.