but I think it is. Our settlement day is 27 March 2009. I still can’t believe that I might achieve this goal. I think when I get the keys to the place, then it will become very real.
Have made an offer which has been accepted, and subject to a couple of checks on it, should go through in a week. Wow, this ones a biggie.
spot one of these a mile off. I think I now have a phd in spotting a passive aggressive. ;-)
due to time constraints. I am going to pay someone to do it for me for my site.
Life is such a journey, Im currently doing something that I have spent years getting good at, but am tired of it. Im looking at a couple of options to change this.
where I was 12 months ago. I am learning to do this. I realise its not about doing the things I should, but learning its ok for me to do nice things for me. Like getting a massage, and buying myself some beautiful flowers. When you spend time in a bad relationship which takes so much out of you, and your focus is always on the other person, you forget the things that make you special as a individual, and its learning to be kind to yourself by doing the things that you really like and that make you smile. Thats what I think this goal is about.
And its sometimes amazing how far you can grow in 12 months. Slowly but surely I have chip away at all my self doubt and the negative chitchat that goes on in my head. Most of the time now, I do believe in myself. When I think of how this has happened there have been a number of things, like hanging out with really good and supportive friends, getting rid of the (so called) friends that weren’t. Saying no alot more to things that I really didn’t want to do, and saying yes to all the things I really do enjoy doing that make me feel so good.
I will keep this on the list for awhile longer to keep reminding me to do this.
there is a reason. I think everyone is born with intuition but it gets suppressed as we try and please everyone else, ignore our own thoughts and feelings, and then in the end, don’t know how to recognise when our gut instinct is trying to tell us something. I am getting better at this, but need to relax more and take more notice of it. Will keep it on my list to remind me to relax and focus on it more.
Its been a big year, and I haven’t updated or commented on my list as often as a number of things have change, so Im going to clean up my list ready for a new year.
When will I get over this. Im getting better and better but still can get the sad soak out of my head sometimes.
finally been able to step out of it, and realise that she is in command of her own life, and we are not children anymore, she can choose the life wants to live, and I don’t have to rescue her anymore. I only have to rescue myself. :-)
Its well over a year since I had this goal, and I did it for six months. Actually was very proud of myself to stop it completely for that long.
The interesting thing is that it has gone back to being the social pleasure that it was before it turned into a medicating crutch. I can now just have a social drink with friends without it turning into massive benders. I can also go for weeks without a drink, then just enjoy it if Im with good company.
Benefits, well, seeing things in reality, making good decisions, and not relying on anything to numb the way I am actually feeling, and being intouch with my intuition and gut feelings. Being in controll and not being controlled.
Ok so maybe not a year, but quitting anything that removes you from reality for any period of time has got to be good.
Ive finally figured it out.. for now, Its been a kind of strange couple of months figuring it out. I finished last year getting a dip in online tech, found myself single, no cat, and no idea what I wanted to do now I had got the diploma, and even unsure if I wanted to go into the industry I had just trained for.
I decided that I would take as long as I needed, and just trust myself to make the right decisions following my gut feelings and intuition. I came to the conclusion that I didn’t want to pursue a career in online technologies, working for someone else, and sitting a computer all day every day. I like being around people, and it energizes me being around them. I spose I almost had to do the course, to realise that it wasn’t something I wanted to pursue full time. I sure did learn alot, but also learnt abit more about myself which is good.
So with that in mind where do I go next, and I made a decision to go back to the industry I left 12 months earlier. Not sure which part of it, but having got that far, I got a phone call out of the blue asking if I would be interested in a role. It felt right, and progressed to being one of the easiest and seemless employment opportunities that I have ever experience. They wanted me, and I wanted to work for them. So its done, and start on the 2nd of April.
I still desire to start my own business, and work for myself, but am happy to work on these goals with abit more of a security behind me, and perhaps clarify and be more specific about what form I want them to take shape.
So for now, this goal is done, and it feels good. :-)
I am curious as to who is subscribing to me, and interested enough to do it. Perhaps you can leave me a comment to say hello.. :-)
and this comes with alot of reading about passive agressives, and instead of just trusting what anyone says, it pays to wait and see if they follow through with action. One of the worst things about being round a passive agressive is that they change their mind all the time, say they have forgotten, never do what they say they are going to do, and like to make out its your fault, then it becomes emotional abuse.
I spose Ive always been someone that has taken everyone at their word, having no idea that this type of thinking existed, and that people could operate this way, and wondering what the hell was going on when I was involved with someone behaving this way.
I need to take a step back when getting to know someone, take time to see a bigger picture, slow down and not believe everything you hear until trust is built, and a big part of this is the action that accompanies the words.
as was feeling abit down, and what did I do, go out and buy some. Will have to prep for this one again
with this one. Finally have a test site up for her to have a look at and just need her to make the final checks, then we are all go. Good to get this far
and have just finished my last cigarette, so am not going to buy anymore.
Todays thoughts….
With all the endings that happened five months ago, I sought the help of a counsellor, and fortunately found the right one to guide me through the shock and trauma of the endings. This in addition to taking other steps to take care of myself and try and move out of the darkness of the sinking feeling of depression.
Having had counselling ten years ago, and not getting alot out of it, this has opened my eyes to how the right professional can guide you through to a stage where you can get back on your feet feeling more empowered and accepting of yourself.
If you are not happy with where you are heading with someone you are seeing, find another one, and keep looking for one that you feel fits with where you at, and gives you some sense that you are moving forward and that progress, whatever is form, is being made.
For me, I didn’t want to be sitting in a office crying the whole time, and leaving thinking that was all I had done until the next session. I wanted to cry, but also I wanted information, to understand where I was at, at each phase, and what else could I do to be getting out of depression. I spose deep down I knew that if I could understand what was happening to me, I would be more aware and inform if I was feeling I was sinking again.
I told my counsellor on the first meeting that that is want I wanted, and I wanted feedback. She understood, smiled gently, and so we began the journey. She guided me gently forward, gave me feedback when I asked for it, and suggested books that I could read in my own time which allowed me to do extra stuff as I was ready.
Now Im at the stage of only seeing her when I feel the need, empowered enough to search out what I need myself, and understand myself more than I have ever done in my whole life.
Its been worth the investment in myself.
