misprint2

it’s hard to change this back to normal. I haven’t even figured out yet what I consider normal. for now, I should at least aim at 12pm.

I’ve been thinking about what I absolutely want to do the most. It’s a big goal… but this is the 43T success team, so it’s permitted to dream big :)

I’ve figured out over the past few weeks that what I’m most in need of is a purpose I can work towards and to actually work towards it, so I can be content with my life.

Right now, I only know that the subjects I’m studying and the goal towards I’ve looked for the past couple of years (or should I say fluctuating goals?) are things I find interesting, but they don’t fill me with the excitement and motivation that I know I can have for things.

When I just permit myself to dream of something I’d like to do, without taking reality into account… I’d love to save the world. Be some kind of mother Teresa. Help others to actualize their potential and be happy. (Yes, it’s projecting something I want to do for myself onto others… :))

The problem is that I’m not convinced that I could ever do anything like it. I’m highly skeptical about my ability to change someone’s life for the better – or rather to help someone to do that him- or herself. But I’ll just ignore that for a moment and look at myself from an outside perspective to figure out what exactly I lack and what steps I will have to take to obtain it.

First of all, I’ll have to get all the messes I’ve accumulated over the years cleaned up:
1. I definitely want to finish university with the subjects I’m doing now, even though right now I don’t think the literature field is what I want to do, ultimately. At least not in the ways that present themselves to me right now. But it’ll be a good thing to be able to fall back on and also it’s more of a confidence booster than giving up shortly before the finishing line.
2. I want to move out, because I think it’s no longer healthy for me to live at home relationship-dynamic-wise. I’ll have to make enough money (and as a steady income, too) to be able to do this.

Secondly, I’ll have to locate an area in which my help would be needed and which excites me. The only way I can do this is to keep my eyes and ears wide open and get more work experience in different areas. But also, for example, to deepen my friendships and try to live my dream by encouraging the people I care about to pursue their happiness. And I should make a list of everything I’ve done so far that I liked doing (not only concerning work).

Thirdly, when I’ve found an area I want to work in, get the qualifications I will need to be able to.

the kind person who sent me my lost wallet just when I thought I could give up looking for it

finding out once again that I’m perfectly healthy :)

the neighbours asked me to teach their daughter piano and it’s so much fun

I enjoyed planning the menu for the scouts weekend and am looking forward to cooking with the kids

rediscovering a deeper kind of happiness and contentment… or so it feels. I think I might welcome faith and spirituality into my life again