misscolleen

I am doing so horrible with this. I have been biting like crazy. Right now they are all super short, some a little sensitive. It’s like I can’t stop! I keep doing it at night while I’m watching tv. I think after I finally get the kids in bed and get lunches packed and the dogs settled I have all this nervous energy coursing through my body and when I sit down I just start biting. At any rate, they look and feel horrible. When will I learn??

Well maybe not really a librarian, but a library assistant, but everyone thinks they’re librarians anyway. It seems like a hard job to get, like you have to wait for someone to die to get in. But that’s ok. I want to do this after my kids are older and in school. Our local college offers an online program but you have to already be working at a library to take it. I loooove books so much and I can just see myself at 50 wearing my glasses and organizing the shelves and helping people find stuff. The best would be working in the kids section. I remember how much I LOVED books when I was a kid. Every new book was like an adventure and I want to share that with kids. After being a mom it’s my dream job.

One of the best feelings was being 10 yrs old, getting up and putting on clothes TO COVER YOUR BODY. If it was warm you wore shorts and a t-shirt. Maybe it had your fave cartoon on it. Maybe it was a hand-me-down. Maybe it had a local business on it. It didn’t matter, you just wore it cause you needed clothes on. If it was cold, jeans and a sweatshirt. Mine were always Hanes and came from K-mart, or if we had a good Christmas, they had our sports team on them.(Go Eagles!) Maybe we were a little poor. No, actually if we were poor we would have been naked. We had clothes on our backs and food in our bellies so we were not poor. Now I have allowed myself to feel poor if I don’t have what’s in style. Personally, I don’t care. I would love nothing more than to wake up every morning and just get dressed for the weather. But now I feel these expectations. I will look like a slob if I go out in jeans and a big t-shirt. Everything has to be an “outfit”. Capris and polos. Cute sweater. They are all nice if you are going to church, lunch, whatever. But why do we have to be bothered? Maybe it is society’s increasing emphasis on looks.
I wore a uniform to school my entire life and LOVED it. All the other girls complained, but I loved the fact that every day I knew exactly what to wear. I loved that I didn’t need to shop for back to school clothes. When I started teaching preschool I approached my boss about making our polos with the school name a uniform. No one else went for it. That’s just me though. I am plain jane. I don’t feel the need to express myself through what I wear. But I feel I will be judged for it, and so I conform. So my goal is to stop caring. Just wear what I want. Jeans, sweatshirt, sneakers. What difference does it make? I am tired of looking for “just the right(fill in the blank).
And I don’t think the difference is I was a kid then and now am an adult. I never remember my mom or anyone else trying to be in style then. Was it just a different world? Why did it change? Is it the area I moved to?
You know what I REALLY love? Holiday sweaters. Big tacky ones with snowmen or pumpkins. The ones you are NOT supposed to wear. I tell my husband I can’t wait till I’m old so I can wear them. I know if I wore them now I would look ridiculous. I think that’s just not fair.