missdevylish

Last fall, my birth mother’s friend found me. Purely by accident tho she was Googling my birth mother.. and in no uncertain terms, she addressed me as if she knew I had to be the right person.

She’s been great and sweet and supportive.. only a couple of states away and has told me a bit more than I’ve ever known. It’s a start.. but we have a lot of work to do.. and I’m getting discouraged because my birth mother has a common hispanic name and for some reason, I don’t think she’s very computer oriented or I think she would’ve found me already. Well.. if she was looking. Or alive.

I do worry about the rejection.. and I do think I let the fear of that get to me and allow me to justify being lazy about the search, getting distracted by my life and who wants to be a part of that here and now. I think right now I’m just frustrated cuz she feels just out of my reach.

Like someone else said, it is about respect.. however, that’s not solely what it’s about. Like another person said, I hate waiting.. however – it affects my job and I’ve been told I have to be at work at 8 the rest of this week (this started today) or I have to do it for the rest of the month – instead of my usual at 8:30.. which is usually almost 8:40. And then.. I didn’t set my alarm. Today I woke up at 8. God, I was pissed. So.. I have to be on time. Have to.. that is the most important thing – earning a paycheck at least. If I can get the office arrival down.. then being on time for personal things should easily be accomplished. Just have to get this one thing set.. Going to bed now.. so I’m not pushing the snooze button 8 thousand times. :)

like seriously.. about a decade. It can’t be that bad.. got a sonicare, brush at least twice if not 3 times, always floss.. good teeth (had 4 1/2 yrs worth of braces and all that work prior) but cuz of all that.. hate going, hate doing it.. scared of the stupid metal pics they use to clean your teeth. Hate isn’t a strong enough word. But now, I bit into the softest cracker ever.. and part of my molar broke! I have a little crater in one of them so obviously I have to get it fixed. K.. who’s scared? Me.