I’m never going to get rid of this feeling. It won’t go away so I’ve decided to pacify it. It has agreed to quietly sit in the corner while I work my way through this list. Oddly enough, I feel better now that I’m not fighting it.
Now that I know that it’s an option for me, I can approach my life with an enthusiasm I didn’t have before. I feel like I have nothing to lose now. It takes the specter of suicide to give me the confidence to just not give a shit about the things I do in my life. I’ll do what I please for as long as I like and when I’m done, I’ll quit. For some reason, it feels better this way.