I'm doing 37 things
Everything about Ellis’ death reminds me of what an afterthought I have felt like to my mom for so long. Finding out that my stepfather was dead by reading his death notice in the paper, then finding out she knew he was terminally ill for months before, “thought I’d told you” and just seemed more perplexed that anything else that she’d “forgotten”. Forgotten to tell me that, but hadn’t forgotten to tell me that Aaron was a stand-up comic. I haven’t been able to say good-bye to Ells since he left her in 1989, really. It’s like good-bye means I have to let go of the one person who never asked me to be anything other than me. That’s why it was so easy to be out of contact with him-damn him anyway-because there was no guilt, no expectation that I was going to be driving all over trying to hunt him down to stay in contact. And sometimes I can barely breathe with how much I miss what it was like to just BE loved without an expectation of anything in return. It will be two years next month and I think of him everyday, wish I could say I’m over the grief. But it just seems to go on and on. And I can’t imagine how non-functional I’d be without the counseling.
mla44's Life List
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1. read the bible daily
1 entry457 people -
2. be less afraid
112 people -
3. find a small group at church
1 person -
4. regain the intimacy in my marriage
1 person -
5. finish my family tree
57 people -
6. find Shaun's birth parents
1 person -
7. finish Shaun's family tree
1 person -
8. lose weight
36,381 people -
9. improve my health
250 people -
10. exercise routinely
24 people -
11. pay off credit cards
1,393 people -
12. save money
14,730 people -
13. finish the bathroom
11 people -
14. downsize
25 people -
15. learn Spanish
15,509 people -
16. learn Swedish
642 people -
17. get my masters degree
1,080 people -
18. Read 100 classic novels
248 people -
19. learn to compost
30 people -
20. learn yoga
2,317 people -
21. learn to play the guitar
12,660 people -
22. write daily
236 people -
23. journal regularly
276 people -
24. find another job
67 people -
25. travel to Bhutan
26 people -
26. travel to Greenland
4 people -
27. travel to England
244 people -
28. travel to Timbaktu
1 person -
29. travel to Russia
90 people -
30. go camping
2,506 people -
31. catalog all my books
9 people -
32. catalog all my music
3 people -
33. say good-bye to Ellis and mean it
1 entry . 1 cheer1 person -
34. let go of the bitterness
4 people -
35. finish what i start
3,838 people -
36. meet deadlines
31 people -
37. accomplish my goals
88 people
Recent entries
What this means
17 months ago
Making time
17 months ago
I found a reading plan that works for me, a Bible translation that I enjoy, so now all I have to do is make the time to READ!
