mona237

ok so im interviewing at the mo… my confidence has been knocked a fair bit due to certain issues that developed in my last post (over-zelaous, fiery, power crazed female manager whose motto: “my way or the high way sweetheart”)..... im getting better but i have to say i had an inteview yesterday n it had to be one of the worst/ obscure ones…..

it was this small financial group that was just gettin started so they wanted a junior to come on board to perform ad hoc tasks n help out n then hopefully be trained on more stuff with time… bein an area i am v interested in i was excited about it…
sittin in reception the guy comes in (with his lunch in hand) and gives me this lil motion with his hand to follow him, bit casual but ok i thought.. we go in… he starts havin his lunch in front of me…. first question before iv even sat down he says “so wat irritates u”... taken aback by this i try think of a diplomatic answer… then more questions as such follows…. wat do u like in a job…wat dont u like? then my religion comes up.. he asks “so do u pray, fast etc…are u religous” ... and basically the interview went on like that….

nothin was asked as to what aspirations i have… why i want to come on board… wat qualities are right for the job etc.. very obscure…. i walked away totally deflated…i think its v unfair for a guy like that to abuse his position… fair enuf if he was tryin to suss out my personality but he seemed to be questionin it too… ah well…u live n learn eh?!!

so i thought i was swimming along brilliantly…only to sink once again…. found out his dad is terminally ill….it got to me…
i honestly did feel really bad for him… so silly me decides to check up on him evry now n then bla bla… i was ok even then but of course foolish me thought i could handle bein in touch so often.. could i heck…
a few weeks on and i was startin to revert to old habits… then i happened to speak to a mutual freind who told me some info i got upset about- specifically this info implied that my ex lied to me bout somethin that happened a while ago… irrational me does not take the calm route but decides to let him know exactly wat i thought….only for the whole thing to blow up into a huge thing… prob the biggest argument we’ve ever had..
after we kept hangin up on eachother and shoutin…i decided it was best to just leave well alone altogether- so i didnt respond to his voicemail… i gues it means we cant even stay in touch..AT ALL… even tho i feel bad about his dad etc it just cant be my problem anymore… wats more he doesnt even care if im there for him or not so wats the point….
its been a lil while now…..and im just tryin my hardest not to weaken for at least the next few months…hopefully by then i wont wana know wat hes up to anyway…but then again can never be too sure…this thing has dragged on for years…far longer than it possibly shud hav…. anyway progress shall be reported..i hope those who are also tryin to reach this goal find the courage to do so…

keep smilin
xx

and things have been changing quite a bit… i dont know how it began or when exactly but iv been gradually thinkin less n less about him and now its got to a point where he hardly crosses my mind in comparison to before…
as soon as i came back home from uni i found a job and life has been quite busy…so i dont know if that helped in terms of moving on and realising that life shud not pass me by any longer.. especially recently where i had been tryin to focus on gettin a job i realy wanted… actualy gettin it felt so good that it began to sink in that havin these lil goals and achievin them does raise ur self esteem…
and then there were a few guys at work who i got to know just as friends but it was a good distraction.. makes u realise that theres a whole world out there…
i wont lie… we are still in touch on and off but its usualy just to check in, prob outa habit after 7 odd years of doin so! and we did hav a lil rendevous coz he was meant to be goin away indefinately (but got cancelled in the end) and it wasnt all that great..i think for once i actualy felt the spark had gone…i still hav emotional attachment n care bout him but realy that passion and wishin to be with him again is diminishing as time goes on…
i cud even say i can probably imagin myself gettin to a stage wonderin why i had got caught up so much in the 1st place..but wont do that now as it wudnt be true just yet…but who knows?!