smitten with this guy that i work with. i just love it when we get the chance to have a quick chat. and thats not often cos we are working and its busy and we in different areas in restaurant.
but 90% of the time when we talk, we seem to smile at each other alot when we do. he makes me feel good. i like when his face lights up when we talk and i do the same, i cant help but smile at him.
the other day, i was feeling a bit moody and sad, when i walked into the kitchen, i didnt talk to him tho i do feel a bit self conscious with him there whenever i go in, and he asked me what was wrong, why am i sad, i had no real reason, i just smiled at him, and said no real reason, id just rather be somewhere else. but i instantly smiled and lit up when he spoke to me and he smiled back. i have to admit, i sometimes feel sad, that i dont get to speak to him much because of our work. but we make chit chat when we can, sometimes i start talking first other times, he does. and im just so glad that he came to work by us, and i have gotten the chance to meet him. its like for the first time in ages, i see someone that could be my person, someone that i am falling for and it feels so good and real, and its like a small romance thats slowly developing. and thats what i have wanted for ages and i havent felt for ages. im falling for him. i only hope that its a mutual thing. it seems like it is, but at the same time, i think maybe he is just being really friendly and kind to me, and likes me as a friend. and he jsut gets on with me in that way. that scares me a little. i hope it wont be the case.
when i came in this morning, he brought up his “brother” that id mentioned the day before, saying if i saw him i must show him his “brother” when he comes in, cos i told him i served a guy that looked like he could be his brother and i honestly thought it was. so thought that was cool that he remembered that.
he said a nice thing to me, tonight as i walked in the kitchen to get something. he randomly said, i always know when ur comming in here or when your behind me. i smiled and said why/how? he says, cos he can smell me, each time lol. its cos i wear vanilla perfume and i always put it on before i start a shift. even my boss comments on it saying he just smells a waft of vanilla going past him each time. another chef comments on it too. they all like it and so do i. so i said well i hope i smell nice!? and he smiled and said i did. :)
see i just melt a bit each time. when he says silly things like that. its all these little things that get me. and he is just so lovely and always greets me or says goodbye. and tonight he finished before me and i said bye to him quietly as i was tired and was still finishing closing the bar, and i was feeling bit sad, cos he was leaving and he said nothing, as our boss was there, he jsut looked at me and winked at me as he walked past. i like it when he winks at me. thats the second wink, i quite like it.
i do feel a pang of sadness whenever he finishes a shift or isnt in. sometimes i ignore him when i go to the kitchen or when he is around me, only because, it jsut feels too intense, his prescence, and i jsut cant make eye contact, cos if i do, it will just be so obvious that i like him. and i dont want to make him or myself uncomfortable. and so sometimes i jsut distance myself a little. pretend hes the last thing on my mind, when its definatley not the case.
yeah im jsut totally smitten. hes jsut a lovely guy, and im falling for him. i think he is handsome. he is taller, quite a bit taller than me, im short, but i like his height, suits him, he is handsome, dresses well. nice olive skintone, nice smile, love the accent, love when he speaks in portuguese. love when we have a laugh together. and i love the way he says my name, in the portuguese way and with his accent. its nice. he comes accross as a really great genuine guy, a good guy. my gut instinct hasnt been sending me warning signals. there have been no alarm bells going off. hes been nothing short of lovely and kind to me. i cannot fault a thing he has said to me or that i know he has said to anyone. i dont expect him to be perfect at all, but it is so nice to meet someone who jsut seems really good, and i feel like he is a good person. im so used to having men say and do things i dont want and this guy is just so lovely. its jsut a breath of fresh air to me. and i am loving it so much. and its been a long time, since i have felt like that over a guy. having said all that, i only know this work side of him, and i dont know him on a personal level. but what ive seen so far, for me, it is jsut so nice. i guess im just old fashioned for wanting a guy who is not attention seeking or a cocky, or a player. he could be those things, but so far… i have seen nothing like that from him.
i still have no clue about if he is single or not. i keep meaning to look to see if he wears a ring, but im pretty sure he doesnt purely cos of the nature of our work, but im hoping to at least see if there is like a wedding band mark, to give it away. hes only been in england 2 months or so, and he comes from portugal a hot country so i figure, he would have a band mark at the least. detective annie is in the building. i suck i know. sigh, well, heres hoping good things come of this. i dont mind taking my time with whatevers going on here. i just hope it will be a postive experience. fingers crossed. i really like him. the minute i find out he isnt single, its going to be a hard thing to bear. it will knock me for six. hopefully it wont happen.
i will keep hoping for the best. i really like him.