moonlit_reveries

Well, I’m not afraid anymore, but it’s not something I look forward to starting particularly. Driving has so many privileges and I want to get out and go places and my urge to do that has become so strong lately, but I wonder how limited I’ll be by gas prices. Not having the freedom to drive around and exploring somewhere new often takes away a big incentive for me. Though I’ve just about had it with the buses and how time consuming it is. It will be nice to get school easily and having more freedom, even if it’s not as much as I want.

I’m not looking forward to traffic and dealing with jerky drivers (and to some extent I’m afraid of accidents and things out of my control), but I guess I’m ready to start moving forward with this goal. But I’m going to be sure to be kind, sensitive and patient with myself as I take this major step forward and slowly expand my comfort zone.

I’ve done so much research and introspection and I feel having a better understanding of the condition is somewhat helpful and I’ve talked to other people who have it and gleaned advice and information from many different sources.

I’ve been in intense pain (from the shoulder down)for over two months and have been getting all sorts of crazy symptoms, including numbness and discoloration and weird circulation things. and have been waiting for appointments and have been shuffled around to a few doctors. And on Tuesday there was finally some kind of conclusion.

Well, I had an appointment with the specialist and after a long extensive physical exam and meeting, she came to a diagnosis and told me it’s most likely Thoracic Outlet syndrome. I don’t know that much about it yet but it basically means that a bundle of nerves is being compressed in that area between the bony part of my shoulder and the base of my neck, and some blood vessels are also being compressed there. The cause behind this is still a little uncertain. It’s probably from bad posture and hauling heavy things around on my back for years and doing other things that strained that area.

It does seem to fit with what I’ve been experiencing.

It’s nice to know there’s a name for all this madness. Though I really don’t know what this all means and much of what lies ahead, it puts my mind at ease a little. Being undiagnosed was driving me absolutely crazy because it left me wondering and my mind took a few dark twists with that. When my arm started turning white greenish white, I was totally lost and in disbelief. I honestly couldn’t believe my eyes and thought I was imaging colors or something and all the circulatory symptoms. I was constantly double and tripp These very same symptoms had to be the strangest of the bunch and ones that freaked me out. But at the appointment the doctor saw the discoloration and my blood pressure was 24 units lower in the left arm. So yes, there’s actually something fishy and real going on there and it does seem to fit in with my diagnosis.

So…I don’t know where things are going from here and what this all means in the greater scheme of things but I was referred to physical therapy and got new meds that are supposedly more gentle and hopefully I’ll be less prone to the nasty side-effects that I got with the Relafen (it was intense burning and aching chest pain that freaked me out a bit) after my first doctor’s visit. I had that same reaction to Ibuprofen to a lesser extent so I’m a little concerned about anti-inflammatories in general. The only thing is that a small dosage and a milder med might provide less relief and may be less helpful. I’m hoping the physical therapy will be helpful and that there’s something I can do about this.

I need to do something about my oboe/English horn backpack and get it off my shoulders. My teacher offered to help me make a new case with wheels. That would be cool! I could probably pick out my own fabric for the inside and having the whole thing on wheels will be very helpful. I may need to make other little modifications like this in my life. I hope playing oboe isn’t a problem and that this won’t interfere too much. I may need to break up my practice time more. But I really, really, really want to keep playing. I hope it all works out and I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that it does.