moonsparkle

I’m working in a foreign country for a year, and it’s been intense alienation at times. One day I’ll be fine and feel well adjusted the next I’ll want to burst into tears at the slightest provocation. I’m dating a foreign man and I’m paranoid he’s going to cheat on me. He says the most insensitive remarks to me, and thinks it’s a “joke” Today he told me ” You have a big stomach” I’m a size 2, and thin. I don’t understand, he then acted like it’s a big joke. In the mornings he’ll point out when my face is puffy and brings up his worker in conversations saying I look like her except she doesn’t have “rabbit teeth” , I’‘m emotionally on the edge right now, do I get rid of the guy, and then will I feel even lonelier?

I feel so empty, I miss small talk with Americans, I can barely talk to anyone at my job. I miss talking to clerks, restaurants workers, random strangers , my friends. The loneliness is bad. I’ve been crying at my desk when I listen to music and I feel like such a freak. I want to tell myself be strong, get yourself together but my emotions are haywire. UGHHHHhhhHH help!

I’m relieved because I was stressing about unemployment and bills at the same time. I am working abroad so the exchange rate is a little tricky to figure out but at least I can pay the bills! I did have a “my bad” moment I charged 109 dollars to one of my credit cards to buy a lobster dinner birthday present for my dad Ooops, but at least it was for a gift and not for me I also bought my dad some cologne and shirts from Macy’s credit card which set me back 80.00 but I will pay these off as soon as possible.

I’m especially attached to items that have some sentimental value. Today I was vacuuming and crushed this cute ornament my mom gave me a few years ago. I felt sad and instead of throwing it away I tucked it away somewhere. I’m way too nostalgic I hate having loss especially with things I’ve accumulated over time. I think I could be a packrat!