mp736

Ever since my 2nd semester of college, I’ve been stuck in a rut of underachievement. I can’t seem to graduate. I’ve had a lot of problems- my science classes were too hard because I didn’t know enough take AP/ H classes in high school and I was ill prepared, I got kicked out of nursing school because I was slow at clinical, and then I got kicked out of nursing school ( again ) because I procrastinated studying and did badly on the final.
Certain classes are difficult for me, but even the ones that are not that hard, I fail because I don’t try enough and I procrastinate studying.
Its really sad because I’m not doing anything with my life, and I swear, I was a really good student in high school . I wasn’t a genius by any stretch of the imagination, but I certainly did my best.
I just did really badly my first 2 semesters of college and I think I just stopped caring about everything because not caring was easier than feeling like a total failure.
But no more. I’m giving my computer away so I don’t use it to procrastinate anymore. I’m gonna finish college- even if I have to loan a million dollars, even if I should have been finished a million years ago.
I let my problems get the best of me. I don’t have to stay in this hole – just cause I stupidly fell into it, doesn’t mean I lack the capabilities to climb out.

I know going to nursing would be practical economically. But I just don’t like to study- i can’t stand it. I procrastinate way too much.

I wish I liked studying. I wish I wasn't lazy. But I am.

I need help.

I also see the flip side of the situation. I also see the advantages of continuing to pursue this path. I’ve worked as a Nurse’s aide for a year and a half, and I do like to take care of old people. I’ve also spent a lot of time and effort and my parent’s money studying nursing, and i don’t want all of it to go to waste. I’m getting older and I need to do something with my life. My parents are getting older and they’re getting of tired working. My father is always complaining about his aches and pains. But they won’t retire until I finish a degree. They say they can’t leave me the way that I am with no way to feed myself. If I stop nursing and switch to another major, it will be another four years of studying. I would have to loan a lot of money because my parents have no more to give me. And I might not even be able to find a job if the economy doesn’t get better.
I want to get a well paying job so I can help my parents pay for my brother’s education- he’s thinking about going to an expensive arts school. I like the idea of healing people, and I am genuinely a caring individual. I will have an easier time finding a job.
Maybe I should just suffer now and reap the benefits later? I do know that nursing can be a fulfilling career, though very stressful.
It also makes me a little uncomfortable that my classmate in high school are graduating, getting jobs, going to grad school; while I am continually unable to progress with my life.