muffincat1

lately i have been saying ‘Fck It’. I squeeze, so i squeeze. There’s a mark, screw it. I just put make-up on and go out. I have gone out when my skin was really bad and you know what? so what. no one even looks at me. As mamidragon said also, no one cares.
And my boyfriend really doesnt care.
I still am obsessive about it, and squeeze the ‘bad’ spots. I just squeeze them and when i know if i am close to that point of no return, i stop. I KNOW from experience when it’s too much and i have gone too far. I bet everyone who reads this knows when they reach that point. I stop and clean that spot and put make up on it. Keeping my nails short. that is huge!
I came to the turning point a few weeks ago when i distroyed my face. It was bad :( I use that as my motivation. My skin has been bad but, i just know they will go away. So, i have let go a bit of that controlling, perfectionism due to, i think, being worn down and frustrated. If i look like sht, then i look like sh*t that day. That is life and i move on. Be strong and it’s ok to not look perfect.
Like most of you i have been the whole range of skin products. From using nothing to using stronger stuff. Everything. No matter what i have used, the routine i have done on my skin, i still get blemishes. It is what it is. I will never beat it, so i will accept it.

got stressed out over the stupiest thing. I was making flower planters for my boyfriend and i dropped them off over at his place. Then i came home and stressed over if they were perfect enough! I just couldnt stop thinking about how i should have planted the flowers differently and if they were good enough for him. That perfection obsession i think is what caused my pickfest today. Once that obsession starts about something, anything, then it lead right to me picking my face. It is like a trigger, that is hard to put back to ‘normal’ thoughts and actions. Just sad that i picked and let it take over :( I have stopped picking and wont anymore today. I will push my self to go out today even though i hurt my face.

trying to be good. Been having a busy week as to where i cant hide out in my place. I’ve been having a hard time, picked a bit but stopped myself before going overboard. Squeezed a bit and stopped before too much damage. The red marks on my face make me so sad :( It’s so hard not to get down and feel like i just want to cry. They stay there for so long cause my skin is so fair. I went with my boyfriend on a three day trip earlier this week. That was hard. I picked a bit when he was sleeping and when i was getting ready. Trying not to stay in the bathroom for hours obsessing where he was waiting in the room.
what’s been helping me not to go overboard is that I think, ‘it’s ok. i dont need to do this.(the picking).’ Then breathe deep. I feel also that i’m getting tired of the picking, worn down from it, to the point that i just dont want to go through weeks of healing when i go on a major pickfest. It’s ok to have pimples. i will never have perfect skin. never. i just want to heal the old marks. ‘Normal’ acting people squeeze their skin also but dont go overboard. ‘I tell myself that almost everyone picks so if i do a bit, it’s ok’ that helps too because then i dont feel too ashamed and like i should pick more because i’m so imperfect and bad.
keeping nails short is also key to not make so much damage.