mylastduchess

I’ve reverted back to 12 years old with this guy. I am emotional and crazed. I love him but also can’t tolerate his treatment. We are neighbors, and we’re seeing each other still. He’s been so cold to me lately. I feel like leaving for good, but I want to move farther away. I’m so confused, and depressed, nothing seems to be helping my situation. When I’m with him all my pride and self esteem seem to be chucked out the window.

Well I’m teaching in a foreign country I’m vulnerable and feel lonely. I met a seemingly wonderful guy I loved him so much I wanted to marry him . Maybe that was my deluded fantasy but I really adored him. He was so doting,and adoring too. But then I started to feel a lump in my throat when he’d get a phone call, or receive a text or say he had to go somewhere. I went on a 2 week vacation and when I returned it seemed like our whole world had changed. I suspected his unfaithfulness so much. We didn’t talk for a week and then he came by my home one night, we’re neighbors. We had a talk he told me nothing happened and I believed him. We got back together and things were going well but I still had that don’t trust him instinct. He took me on a weekend getaway but then something happened where my distrust felt valid again. We broke up after a 3 hour car ride home in silence. We talked and I decided I can’t live this lie. It hurts, I’m alone now in a foreign land but it’s better than sleeping in the same bed with someone who you know is lying and sneaking around. I thought I’d feel more sad, but there’s relief too. I did love him and still do but not in the way where I can be with him. I told him I didn’t hate him and that I wished him love and happiness. It felt better to walk away not in anger,but wishing the best for someone. I don’t think he’ll try to contact me anymore, maybe I’d give in again, but I’m trying to be strong. Our goodbye felt so final.

I have never been the clingy type of person in a relationship. But now that I’m living abroad for a year, it’s been surprising how clingy I’ve become in my current romantic relationship. I met him and first wanted to started very casually dating, I almost wanted him as a fling. He became very attached, pursuing me like crazy, watching me from his shop window, driving me to work, doing so many small favors. At first completely flattering, and sweet here I was so alienated in a foreign country, maladjusted. But then I became somewhat reliant on him, emotionally and for everyday life. I went away for a 2 week vacation since I’m working at a school. I came back and I suspected that he may have done something with another girl, just a feeling. He kept telling me no adamantly. But for whatever reason, I am so clingy now. I have this temptation to call him in the middle of the day. I want to see him so much, I question if what he’s telling me is the truth. I’d almost be relieved if he broke up with me, so I could erase my doubts, be free, and have to live for myself.

I don’t know what to do right now. I’ve always been independent, but I feel so broken and lost. I think he senses this and is playing upon this, now he’s become colder. This relationship feels like some weird power play and I feel helpless. Ughhhhhh I need some self esteem.