Was not the right person for me. We had some serious differences in values, and he wasn’t able to take responsibility for himself – essentially he got bored, and started online dating while we were still together. So, a cheater.
I’ve never been involved with a cheater before, and it has been a learning experience, for sure. He isn’t able to deal with anything challenging, and he is 100% “in” the relationship as long as it’s easy and in the obsession phase at the beginning. (That’s what he thinks “true love” is. If the obsession starts to fade, it’s the other person’s fault for being boring.)
Basically he’s a talker, and can’t deliver, so he is totally in love as long as he can just talk. Delivering on his “talk” is not a consideration, because he meant it when he said it, but he might not be feeling it 10 minutes later. If the future is more than 10 minutes away, he’ll have forgotten about his intentions by then.
Also – lack of responsibility. He can justify any behaviour to himself, and when challenged or questioned on it, he sulks and gets passive aggressive. Oh great, a man-child!
Aaand, the final observation – he plays victim. He can’t admit to himself that he’s not interested in a relationship anymore, so he’s one of those guys who starts acting like a jerk more and more, then starts cheating (or trying to), and if none of that works (passive-aggressively to get the woman to ‘be the man’ and dump him). He lies when the behaviour is addressed, and acts like everything is fine. Then he just exhibits progressively worse behaviour and gets really outrageous so he can force the other person’s hand.
The payoff is that he gets to tell himself he’s “the good guy” who got dumped by the mean bitch.
So now “passive-aggressive” gets added to my list of red flags…