nanobomb

I want to scream as loud as I can… actually, I remember many years ago I had the same thought, but I couldn’t. I’ve only done it twice before, and the sound produced was so TERRIBLE, like a frickin’ banshee I couldn’t even recognize the sound of my own voice it sounded like a dying demon in pain or something like that… I thought the neighbors would call the cops, but damn it, I just had to.

But otherwise, I can’t because:

1. My parents would come rushing into my room. “Nanobomb, what the hell was that?! Are you out of your fucking mind? We need to get you to a shrink! Don’t do that again!” Well this hasn’t actually happened yet, but I predict that would be the reaction. There’s ALWAYS at least 1 parent in my house.

2. The neighbors might call the cops. It’s amazing how the littlest noises echo everywhere in this neighborhood. EVERYONE hears EVERYTHING. Imagine how embarrassing it would be, “POLICE, open this door immediately!” creak
“Oh hi… heh heh, no, no one’s getting killed, sorry you came for nothing, I was just venting my frustration out and you happened to get caught in it… LOL”. Yeah…. that would work out perfectly.

3. Screaming at the top of your lungs due to emotions, just isn’t normal. Even (AND ESPECIALLY) if you’re by myself, not even arguing or ordering anyone. I don’t want to acknowledge the fact that I have a serious mental problem. The horrible shrieking only makes it worse, it feels like everything’s falling apart and the walls will come crashing down on me or something. It might be better to keep it all inside.

4. What’s the point? Nothing’s gonna change. My grades won’t improve, the colleges I NEED still may not take me, I can’t gain back the trust of those I betrayed, I can’t make myself skinnier, I can’t stop fighting with my family (my mom would like me better if I was skinnier, I know because I lost a lot in a few days by exercising my ass off, and she looked so damn happy. Asking me to see my waist and telling me to keep it up. I’m in the normal range, according to the online BMI calculators.), I can’t make new friends, I can’t make people respect me, I can’t become stronger, I can’t become BETTER.

Argh.

No matter how many drawling hours I have wasted bawling my eyes out until they’re red, puffy, and veiny, there’s always something painful left in there to dig up. Like having all your molars pulled out but always finding out there’s one more hidden somewhere that you’ll need to get rid of. It’s theuropatic, but there’s no way to cry THAT much that you’ll never cry again… there’ll always be something new to upset you.

If so, so many people want this to happen, how can it NOT be possible for ANYONE? Reading all these entries makes me sad. If whatever all-powerful or semi-powerful deity ever took pity on me and granted me this ability, they would not regret it. And I’m sure many other people would genuinely use it to correct something terrible that happened to them or others.

Maybe I’m an idiot… maybe I’m a hopeless dreamer… maybe I still have a ton to learn…

but I’ll keep looking for a way… look around, people, information is everywhere, although not all sources can be trusted… use your mind first and foremost. I believe that the power behind the intense desires of many people can change reality.

Oh, btw… I haven’t tried this, nor am I speaking for the author, nor am I saying I believe it will work. But here goes nothing:

http://www.spellsandmagic.com/time_travel.html

Supposed technique for time travel.