I'm doing 42 things
...not sure how much more I can take!
The dilemma earlier on in the week was about K divulging that she is still in contact with the 22 year old man that we forbid her to talk to. She asked for our approval of a friendship and not a relationship and I agonised over it. The guilt I felt about being a bad mother was my consideration of the friendship to give me ‘an easy life’. I knew saying no would let a tornado into the house.
In my heart I knew it was wrong on every level and I could not give my blessing so yesterday I made clear our boundaries. That there is to be no friendship or relationship. It was like igniting a firework in an enclosed space. I have been physically, mentally and emotionally suffering from the burns ever since.
Fortunately, my Mum was available to step in and give me some space and all parties agreed a night at her friends with her responsible mother would give us all a break. Today we sat down with K and made clear that we will never approve of her, as a 14 year old child, having close contact with a 22 year old man….and if she decided to break our rules she will have to face the consequences. It was not an easy conversation but I felt we made some progress and we even managed hugs and ‘love yous’ later on.
The this evening I get a phone call from the friend’s responsible mother upset because she discovered K snuck vodka (that I later realised was my vodka) into her house and then went out and got drunk and returned to stay at her house intoxicated. I was embarrassed, guilty, angry and uspet all at once…..again.
I just keep asking myself over and over how can I be a ‘good mother’ in this situation? Harsh punishments and strict boundaries don’t work as we nearly came to blows when I tried to enforce a grounding a few months ago. Soom she will be an adult and can make her own choices but I desperately need a strategy to get through the next few years.
:(
