started “trying” half assed last february when i went to heart doc and realized i weighed 190 pounds. i am now down to a steady 184. long time and slow weight loss is probably the best for me. i am counting calories about 80 percent of the time during the week. things fall apart sometimes on weekends. today is solid so far. i walked the dog and plan on cleaning the house a lot this afternoon. sticking with this til the weight gradually falls off. using fitness app
well, i am deleting all my old entries. it’s been a while since i wrote, but i haven’t stopped trying-i have stopped counting days though. big development, i am now in therapy to address my problems and i am undergoing specialized behavioral therapy and EMDR to see if i can get some relief from this hell. right here, right now starts day one.
haven’t practiced in a LONG time. i have to work on this goal. need to get cello repaired.
i let about three months go by without going. i started to feel embarrassed that it had been so long that it kept me from going back. my weight gain and insecurity makes me really not want to go get into a happy baby or downward dog pose. but, i went twice last week to a basic class and can feel a huge difference in my mood. i love the class. i won’t let this happen again. goal for this week is to go at least twice. wednesday night and friday afternoon. i SWEAR.
i keep promising myself im going tomorrow, i’m going tomorrow. well, here it goes again. tomorrow i plan on getting up early and going to the sat class. i have to get back to this. my back is killing me. i look like crap
can’t stop. feeling, digging touching.
no official day one or two or anything, but over all not doing toooooo bad with this. constantly trying to touch and dig when i get the chance, working on stopping myself. STILL OUT OF THE MIRROR FOR THE YEAR 2011-i should probably remind myself of this more, i am still beating myself up. trying for a solid day to get the ball rolling on this .
joined ww but haven’t had muchluck…going to stick to this goal starting now
had a good day today. by this evening i will have had a solid day one
why can’t i just KEEP MY DAMN FINGERS OFF MY SKIN???????? i felt like i was doing okay the last 24 hours or so. i didn’t even drink this weekend, my usual trigger and i just can’t stop. i did great today until now…i just dug my fingernails into three or four spots on my cheek. it looks and feels like crap. i SWEAR TO EVERYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE DAY ONE STARTS NOW…...I HATE THIS CRAP!!!!!!! I’M SO SICK OF THIS AND MAD AT MYSELF. #$$%!!!
today was fine, this week was overall very stressful so i didn’t do very well. as i was driving today thinking about things i realized how much everything in my life is interconnected. i know what i have to do to stay sane and healthy and control my anxiety/ocd plus my picking. everything relies on the other. the picking relates to my stress, which relates to my weight, which relates to my food and also relates to my exercising, which relates to my picking, which relates to whether or not i make it to yoga, which relates to whether or not i feel like crap, which relates to whether or not i pick. going to try for a solid day one tomorrow.
agggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh. sick of this.
not terrible…not great. so so-but can’t count any days officially. the more i stay busy-the less i pick. gotta get back to yoga…bad. day one starts for the millionth time…tonight.
can’t seem to stop touching and digging. no mirrors still. i used a mask tonight. didn’t get too out of control…just constantly trying to resist. only really went crazy on one spot. this sucks. day one starts NOW
back to day one,like i made it so far.CRAP
i need to get back into writing and reporting more. today WILL be a solid day two. i’m sick of this ruining my face
finally a solid day one. i was really busy and didn’t even think about it. day one OVER!!!!!!!
i am trying to remind myself of this as my picking has gotten out of control . i am still out of the mirror-but i am feeling and digging like never before. my skin is broken out-due to a poor diet and not drinking enough water and getting exercise and rest. also aging hormones. i think i have adult acne now. goody. i have been stressed and depressed. lots of issues that i probably shouldn’t let bother me, but because i have OCD it makes me crazy. not going to give up ever!!!!!!! day one starts tonight. AGAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIN
can’t keep my hands off today. this sucks. still managed, somehow…to stay out of the mirror for a long time though. i guess that is making the touching and digging worse? not sure. this sucks so bad. i HATE this.
not so good, but its been worse. i haven’t been going to yoga and i really need to go back. it helps with everything so much. i hate this habit. i feel like i’m not making any progress, kinda like with my weight issues. so frustrating to try and really want something and not make progress. dug my fingers into spots and i am trying to look up close in the mirror all the time. this sucks. i’m depressed today. not giving up though. day one starts tonight???