needlesseyes

i’m not sure if i want to.. i have.. i know i’ve been there and done that but the pain won’t let me go back.. i can feel my soul crying all day and it’s telling me YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!! WHY ARE YOU STILL TRYINGK!!!! NOBODY GIVES A FUCK AND THOSE WHO DO WILL DIE IN YOUR MEMORIES.. nobody is ever there forever.. nobody, because one way or another they will leave you.. and you will once again only have yourself to hold at night.

i’m no longer happy.. i no longer exist in my mind and i’m typing to a computer that can’t do any good for me.. it only distracts me for breif moments and pushing me onward while the days go on and i’m left feeling numb.. wondering when the next time will be.. the next time to cut, the next time to love and be broken again, next time to die, next time to break down and scream and throw up my heart.. i hate this ..how do you get out of hell when the devil is holding your hand on the way out… he’s waiting there in the corner and laughing at my pity.. he’s laughing at you too because he knows that i think you can help me when the reality of it is.. you cant.

... only harder and harder until you can take it anymore.. the pressure builds on your shoulders and you break apart, never to be fixed, never to be a whole.. forever lost in an unfinished love.. and even if i were to be back together with him i still wouldn’t be happy, happiness is a numb feeling that only comes in the form of blades.. what is happiness.. what happened to that?