newspysatellite

So I was tired of being the only one of my friends who was actually a virgin…. so I had sex. September 14th, 2007 was the official loss of my innocence.

It wasn’t worth it for me… I did it for the wrong reasons. I wasn’t in love with the guy and I didn’t even have a strong connection with him. I don’t regret it but now I know what all the fuss was about, haha.

Recently when reflecting on my experience in this area, I decided it would take the right kind of guy. That is, I don’t want to go down on just any old dude. If I’m going to give him head, he has to have proven himself a caring, considerate, sweet person.

Now, I do want to get better. My male friend has offered to help with this (duh, which guy wouldn’t lol). I go by the logic “I’ll never improve unless I practice…” But at the same time, giving blow jobs has just lead me to disapointment.

A couple months ago I drove all the way down to 72nd street to go down on my old buddy from the high school days. I found out that trying to get a guy off with your mouth is a lot more tiring than I thought and soon gave up. He then tried to pleasure me but that… just didn’t go well.

Then tonight my other friend was being a total jerk about it… (the one whom I am “practicing” with. all the fooling around that entails between us is strictly “for science” hahaha) He just… bargh. Maybe that will have to be saved for another entry/blog.

But here I am, 7 months after I freed myself from sexual repression still unable to give a decent blow job. Or at least an unamazing one, hahaha. Frustrating? Not as much as the virginity….. but still enough for me to make it a goal on this website!

I know that the first few times hurt, and so I want to get them over with so I can have a more enjoyalbe sex when/if I get a boyfriend.

At the same time, I can’t just have sex with any old chum because that would just make me feel cheap. It would have to be some one I have known for a looong time and whom I truly trust.

But I really do think that thinking of sex as some big, mystical force that is so magical is a load of rubbish. All it is two horny people humping. Fucking. It’s biological, natural… nothing to be ashamed of or to deserve a stigma.

My only concern is that I might loosen up too much. Guys seem to prefer their women pretty tight (although one of my guy friends said it would be “nice” but it really doesn’t matter), but I want my man to have a killer experience so I don’t want to be so loose…. I suppose there are always stretches to tighten up. Those help.