nicoleamarzan

I want a love that won’t die out. One where I’m wrinkly and old and still feeling butterflies for that person..

I hate.. let me emphasize: HATE, being awkward! I’m absolutely sick of it! I’m so sick of it, I feel ashamed. Why, though?
Because I’m not even a shy person. I am outgoing and weird, but in a good way!
Still.. its a problem for me, and I don’t know how to fix it. I think the reason I’m always so awkward is because I never really socialize with people. This is kind of an oxymoron for me because I do, but only at school, and it’s for a short while. But whenever the time comes that I talk to someone face to face, even my closest friends, I get all awkward and .. sooo without poise. I fake-laugh, and my voice is all constricted and I mumble. I say stupid things. I’m not used to talking to people or socializing because my parents never let me go to my friend’s houses. I never hang out with anyone. I’m always alone.
I usually just keep my thoughts to myself at home. I find myself talking to myself. I wish I could have someone to talk to.
But I can’t exactly “practice” with anyone, because no one likes talking to awkward people.. it just them uncomfortable. I HATE that most of all. I want to be a person someone is comfortable talking to. That would just make my life. The thing I want most right now is to change. I don’t know how to go about it, though.. :(

Still don’t know it.
My mom asked me if I wanted to come with her to the mini mart, so I DASHED out of my room after putting on my Foley 2007 Soccer shirt, which would hopefully stir up conversation because he played soccer too.
Didn’t work.
HOW MUCH OF A LOSER DID I LOOK LIKE WITH MY MOM BUYING THE ICECREAM! SHE COULDA GIVEN ME THE MONEY AND I WOULD HAVE PAID AND LOOKED COOL!
Hahahaha.. ahhh :(

how pathetic. this goal.. will never happen. he’s three years older i’m sure… might as well get back to reality.